Adventures

Clarity

2011-03-21T22:27:00.000-07:00

There are moments you just know things. Like when you know something is right or when something is wrong. There are moments you see things clearly and it all makes sense and you don't have to fight the blur of distraction of life. There are moments when you can see a bigger picture, unhindered by the tunnel-vision of the task-driven day-to-day routine. There are moments, when the clouds break, you stop and see things, realize things and bask in a simple reality, even if ever so briefly.

Today as the sun broke through several days of rain and gloom to shine some light on the beauty being born beneath the darkness of the clouds, today became a day of clarity, of stepping back and seeing a bigger picture, of seeing the beauty and renewal of the heavy rains and dark clouds. And it was a beautiful and calmly serene day. The hills are brilliantly emerald green, dotted with little orange poppies and yellow mustard flowers. The trees are blooming their flowers before their leaves come. The creeks sing their songs of abundant flow in the rush of their waters. The bluebirds sing and and hop from branch to branch. It seems we all celebrated the sun today and rejoiced the secret work of the rain in the darkness. An allegory for Life? I think so.

My friend Angie and I ran to her car from my place in torrential rain and even freezing rain, thinking, "So, our 'girls' day out' may be a very sloppy and wet one!" By the time we got to Saratoga, about 20 minutes later, the clouds had parted, the sun broke through and warmed our faces, and brought to life the beauty around us. An Italian lunch in charming Saratoga, a breathtaking 10 minute drive up through the mossy green forest to overlook vineyards and green Silicon Valley at Paul Masson Winery. We then headed down and up the road to Savannah Chanelle Winery, to taste a delightful flight, buy some Syrah Port, and take a short walk down the road on the property to the Redwood Grove with a sweet, full, and happy creek with the sun filtering down through the leaves. What a fun and peaceful getaway from the bustle of 3 million people Bay Area, only 20 minutes from our houses!

Clarity and simplicity struck me again today as we took in the day. This is a beautiful place with majesty all around: Redwoods stand towering over us in their millenia of years of wisdom; the creeks rush and rejoice with the rains; the graceful green hills surround on three sides, inviting a peaceful hike; over "the hill," or the Santa Cruz Mountains, the sea pounds the shore, rocks and cliffs with awe-inspiring power. Life was clear and simple to me today: the Lord has brought me here. He gives me delight in His creation here. I can't seem to get enough of His beauty here. And, the times of work, busy-ness, politics, distraction and noise, fade away as I remember the Ultimate Simplicity of Truth. He is there. I am here. And through the clouds and seemingly endless wind, rain and chaos, new life is being nurtured and born for glory and to bear new fruit. Years past and the path He has led me on thus far makes sense today. God is good.

Hope you are all well where you are! Love and miss you!

2011!

2011-01-24T14:18:00.000-08:00

Two Thousand Eleven?! Oh my!

My brother always says the key to a good blog is to have something to write about. Yep, I would say that's true. I have no big stories to tell. January and 2011 has held work, a day trip to Sonoma, some time in the City (San Fran) and a head cold, like the rest of the Bay Area. This last week, however, included the exploration of the town of Sonoma and Sonoma Valley. Sonoma is where the Bear Flag Revolt occurred and Californians declared independence from Mexico in 1846. California was even it's own republic for less than a month before it was annexed to the States! But, Sonoma has much to offer the history buff, with preserved hotels during the mining days, old barracks, the last Spanish Mission built, and General Vallejo's home, who was a very prominent and prestigious figure in Sonoma after the revolt. If you ever come to Northern California and are looking for a nice day of learning about the history of the area, Sonoma is a charming and fun old town to visit. Of course there many wineries to visit and taste wine at and the valley is beautiful. It's a good country kind of day to have.

The next day, my friend, Angie and I went into SF and visited the Palace of Fine Arts, which was built in 1915 originally for the Panama-Pacific Exposition. Rebuilt in 1965, it is the only remaining structure from the expo. It is quite impressive and grande. Also worth the visit.

See Angie?! She's short compared to the Dome!

On a more personal note: Settling into living here grants me mixed feelings. As I was walking into the coffee shop with my flip flops on in the sunshine and 70 degree weather, I thought, "I love it here!" But, then, I still miss Texas and the goodtimes had in Texas. I miss family and being closer to family, especially when grandparents experience ill health. Determining the balance of actively living life versus hanging back for things that may or may not happen is an ongoing internal conflict that all who move away from home probably experience. I have found myself missing times in the past like when all my grandparents were around, all the grandkids were slamming the doors running in and out of Granny and PaPa's house, and how I would be sitting at the bar, swinging my legs and licking my lips while Granny made chocolate gravy, anticipating when she finally said it was okay to "dig in!" My dreams take me back there, at times. Maybe I'm just missing Granny and how our family was more intentionally united by her presence. Those were fun times and good memories. Life marches on, but, a part of me will always long to go back there and enjoy the smell of bacon and hear it sizzling in the pan, while the kitchen bustled with people "doing chores" and chomping at their bits for Granny's cookin'. After breakfast, we went out to feed the dogs or play with the puppies (Granny and PaPa had a greyhound farm). After that, we would play Nintendo, or ride horses or ride the Odyssey dune-buggy. There was never a shortage of fun to be had at Granny and PaPa's and with 10+ grandkids there at a time. There was never a dull moment or a time when you couldn't hear somebody hollerin' or laughing. Good times, indeed.

Be blessed, people! And enjoy the bustle of a house full of family!

December!

2010-12-29T14:17:00.000-08:00

Hurried shopping, Christmas partying, airport hopping, crying baby avoiding, hello hugging, Christmas lights horse-drawn wagon riding and freezing, "Look how much you've grown!" exclaiming, Christmas-carol playing, Christmas feasting, family laughing, card gaming, football watching, fireside sitting, family internet browsing, couch napping, holiday reading, "White Christmas" movie watching, gift swapping, more feasting,goodbye hugging, airport hopping, crying baby avoiding, airplane window Hollywood sign looking, fifth airplane landing, and "hello home!" saying.

Such is December! How do we have time to think about anything else?! Hopefully, we were able to to find the time to remember the little Babe born in the stable, God incarnate, to die so we may live.

Hope everybody had a wonderful Christmas and Happy New Year to you and yours!

Got to visit my friends Carli and Scott in Seattle!

So good to see them! Oh, this is Pike's Market, where they

throw the fish.

Scott, Jeff and I, standing in front of the

original Starbucks! Traffic stopped for us

while we took the picture!

Seattle waterfront.

Seattle waterfront (in the SUN!).

My birthday buddies!

Two of my favorite things: SF cable cars and Christmas!

Union Square in SF. Second Annual

Cheesy Christmas Day in the City!

I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day written by Henry Longfellow, during the Civil War.

I heard the bells on Christmas Day
Their old familiar carols play.
And wild and sweet the words repeat
Of Peace on earth, good will to men.

I thought how as the day had come
The belfries of all Christendom
Had roll'd along th' unbroken song
Of Peace on earth, good will to men.

And in despair, I bow'd my head:
"There is no peace on earth," I said,
"For hate is strong and mocks the song,
Of Peace on earth, good will to men."

Then from each black, accursed mouth
The cannon thundered in the South,
And with the sound the carols drowned
Of peace on earth, good will to men.

It was as if an earthquake rent
The hearthstones of a continent,
And made forlorn, the households born
Of peace on earth, good will to men.

Then pealed the bells more loud and deep;
"God is not dead, nor doth He sleep;
The wrong shall fail, the right prevail,
With Peace on earth, good will to men."

Half Dome: Did I mention? I'm afraid of heights . . .

2010-10-18T22:56:00.000-07:00

I kept hearing about "Half Dome" when people would talk about Yosemite. I was always intrigued and thought I would see what the big deal was. As I researched hiking Half Dome in Yosemite, I found many blogs, a few articles, and lists about the dangers of this climb. Coworkers would talk about the stories of hikers witnessing people slide off the edge to their deaths and their own adventuresome tales of making to the top and back down again safely, getting lost and having to find their way back to camp in the dark with flashlights. Not to mention, there are two large waterfalls and a rushing (raging in the spring) river to consider, which has claimed hundreds of lives of healthy people, just out for a day hike. The warnings to proceed with caution and care are very present.

The hike is a 14-16 mile round trip, normally, depending on which trails you take. Jeff and I hiked up the Mist Trail and down the John Muir Trail, so, including our 1 mile each way trip between the car and trailhead, our trip was probably around 18 miles.

Vernal Fall

After our 1 mile 10 minute warmup to the trailhead in the cool 50 degree air at 6:55 am and as the valley had a dim, blue light dawning, we hit the Mist Trail, still a little sleepy but excited to get to the top. At a pretty good clip, we headed up the paved path towards Vernal Fall. It's a 0.8 mile hike, uphill and very steep at times. But, the views of the rapids and the eventual view of the fall is magnificent. Vernal is a 317 foot fall and hikers climb over 600 steps of varying heights to reach the top of the fall. I think this is the third most challenging and heart-pumping, hard-breathing, leg-burning part of the Half Dome hike. But, the view and roar and occasional crack of water hitting the rocks below is beautiful and distracting. The hike then passes Emerald Pool, a very rich green-colored pool the water seems to rest in in before it reluctantly falls over the edge of Vernal Fall, and then up along the gentle granite slope the water recreationally seems to slide down into the pool. We cross a bridge and begin a less difficult climb up to the next rock stairs up to Nevada Falls which is about 1.9 miles further along the trail from Vernal Fall. This is another very beautiful fall and much higher than Vernal at 594 feet. It's another great place to take in the view of the valley you just came up, listen to the rush and roar of the water sliding over the edge and down the granite cliff. After a bathroom stop and visit with some mountain climbers headed toward the SW wall of Half Dome to climb (brave chaps), we headed through Little Yosemite valley along the Merced River for a bit, we enjoyed about a mile of a sandy, flat hike (easy, breezy after 3 miles of up!). We hit one of the forks in the trail: left to Half Dome ( ! ); or, right to Tuolomne Meadows (only something like 22 miles away . . . no big deal . . . ).

Nevada Falls

Up the trail to the left we go and begin the rest of our uphill-for-four-more-miles hike, on thin air. Huffing and puffing through the trees we clip along, like we're in a race because we always do everything fast and competitively. We soon realize we will give ourselves heart attacks if we don't pace ourselves a little slower breathing the 8,000 foot air up the steep climb of trail and steps of rocks of all different shapes and sizes.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity of up, we reach the bottom of the Sub Dome. We wonder at more amazing views and scout out the rest of our climb. We could barely see a few little specks of people on Half Dome working their way slowly up the cables and could see a handful others working their way back and forth up and down the switchbacks on the Sub Dome. We catch our breath and begin making our way up the Sub Dome. "Oh, this is easy enough . . ." I thought, initially. But, as we starting gaining more elevation pretty quickly, and the trees were getting smaller and smaller below us, with no cable on the outside of me, with nothing but steeply sloping granite and gravel, and a panoramic view of the entire valley below, I became dizzy and my fear of heights started to play with my head.

Sub Dome and Half Dome behind.

A little pale and scared before
the ascent!

We hiked up the stone steps on the Sub Dome, up, up, up and the cliff seemed sheerer and sheerer to me. After trying to fight back all the thoughts of "If I slip, I die and go splat!" and thinking the same things for Jeff, I began singing my old high school fight song in my head (what a lame way to distract my brain) and we made it to the top of the Sub Dome.

With only 400 feet up a 40-50 degree slope left to go, which looks like 1,000 feet at a 75 degree angle when you're standing at the bottom watching very small people make it up the final slope of the dome at the top of the cables, this required mustering every ounce of courage I had. I was plain scared and my eyes were probably huge under my sunglasses! This is the the second most daunting view of the hike (guess what the first is?!). Jeff didn't seem bothered at all!

We had our short break, ate some Shot Blocks, and Jeff asked, "Are you ready?" and smiled . . .

"Nooooo!" I screamed in my head, but I told Jeff, "Yeah . . . "

We put our gloves on and walked up to the cables, looked up and grabbed on, one hand on each cable. The slope was gentle for a few feet of the cables and then began up. Grab with both arms, take a step on the not-so-traction-provident granite slope and take a little step up. Grab, pull, step. Grab, pull, step. Grab, pull, step. There are boards about every 8-15 feet so the cables are like a long ladder. I didn't feel comfortable putting all my weight on my feet because my shoes would slip a little when I would push off, so much of my propulsion up was from the use of my arms and pulling myself up. The air kept feeling thinner, we kept getting higher, and we were to the 50 degree point about halfway up the dome. My arms were falling asleep from being above my head most of the time and my heart was pounding. I'm not sure if it was fear, being tired and/or hungry, thin air and hard physical work, a little stomach problem or all of the above, but I became dizzy and nauseated for about 2 minutes and I thought I might have to turn around. Thankfully, it passed quickly and talking to Jeff helped, so we continued up.

Jeff handled the ascent very well, of course. He wasn't as afraid as I was, and although I won't speak for him, I will say, I could tell he was concentrating. : )

Twenty-five or so minutes after we started up, we finally made it up the 9 miles, 4,700 feet and the final 400 feet and 90 degree, I'mean, 40-50 degree slope of dome and were up top! What a view, what a relief, and how exhausting, mentally and physically. We congratulated one another, I laid immediately down, Jeff walked around, we took pictures, and we listened to others congratulate one another for making it to the top and marvel at the wonder around them. Wow . . . we couldn't believe the view, were happy we made it, and were very tired.

After about an hour on top, we decided to work our way down to have lunch below the Sub-Dome (we wanted all of the danger of that out of our way). So, we walk back up to the cables, look below at the little dots of people below us and try to see over the hump that slopes so quickly you can't see all the way down (this would be the most daunting view of the hike!), turn around to face the dome to slide down, holding on for dear life. Thankfully, going down was not nearly as frightening nor physically challenging as up. I held onto the right cable, my cap shielded the view of the rest of the valley from my eyes so I would not see what I could tumble down to in an instant, and I took baby steps as Jeff waited patiently for me to catch up with his sliding down the slope. We passed several going up this time (we didn't meet any on the way up), encouraged them to hang in there and that it "gets better and down is much easier." One woman, just as she passed us, began crying, saying wanted to turn around to her husband (it really is scary!), as their little 10 year-old boy followed her. And then one Persian man passed us as he would run up a few steps (this was still the 40 degree slope).

Hanging on for dear life!

We made it down both domes, not slipping (praise God!), not tumbling 1,000 ft to our deaths, as a few have, and happy it was behind us. Lunch, then our 4 mile hike back down, down, down, to the pool just above Nevada Falls to recharge, take some ibuprofen, and rest our feet and knees. Jeff pumped some water for some college boys who didn't take their gallon of water per person up with them, chatted with them, crossed the river over the bridge, and headed down the John Muir Trail back to the Valley Floor.

Eighteen miles. 4,700 feet up and back down again. Eleven hours. Four hours in the car back home (probably not the way to do the ride home). : )

If you are in Yosemite, and want the challenge of a lifetime, Half Dome is it. It is the hardest hike of the Valley and probably the hardest hike I will ever do. If you do decide you would like to do it, train for it and get prepared. It is not easy and at times, dangerous even for those in excellent shape and even if you aren't afraid of heights. You have to want to do it and you must be in shape for it. Many have had heart attacks climbing the cables and healthy folks have made fatal mistakes on the hike and in the valley. Be prepared!

So, every experience should have a lesson learned, right? I would say probably the obvious: overcoming fear and the rewards thereof. It was an amazing experience and, although not always "fun," it was mostly fun and worth it. We hurt, could barely move after for about half a day, but we got to see things otherwise unseen by us, challenge ourselves and test our limits. We got to do something big together and work as a team. There is also a camaraderie between those who have shared the same experience that is fun to relate with others you may have nothing else in common with. I have also never done something that was viewed as "dangerous" (other than driving the highway to work every day). Kinda fun, but won't be something I do often.

Here are more pics of the adventure:

We didn't take any without me in it, here,
but this shows the sheer rock face on the dome.

"The Saddle" between Half Dome (left) and the Sub Dome (right).
If you look closely, you can see hikers hiking the cables.

These are the climbers we met at Nevada Falls.
They climbed the SW side of the Dome while we did the cables.

More pics of the trip here. Click on the first photo to view a larger version and then click "next." : )

This is a San Francisco Chronicle article called "Danger on the Dome," if you're interested in reading more about it:

http://articles.sfgate.com/2007-07-07/news/17255275_1_half-dome-cable-handrails-hikers

Rachel told me . . .

2010-09-10T16:30:00.000-07:00

Rachel told me I should update my blog . . . I have to be honest . . . I have no idea of what to blog about this time. I noticed I had started a new blog entry on August 8th, opened it, hoping I would have something to work with, and was disappointed by the fact that it was blank: Blogger's Block?

It's been almost two months since the last entry. Tarah's been long gone and I'm sure much has happened during that time . . . New friends, new places, more trips, more bike rides, more work . . . But the questions remain in my head, "What do people want to know? What do they want to read about? Why do they read and what do they care about? What's narcissism? What's sincerity and openness with us and our lives? What do I have to say or share that's worthy of their time?" I suppose honesty and sincerity are valued. I suppose not dressing things up or "packaging" them perfectly to make them more glorious than they actually are is valued.

So, what has happened in my life in the last two months that is worthy of your reading this and ultimately meaning something? My boyfriend gone for 5 weeks to work in Central America? A wonderful trip to the cabin of the innkeepers of the inn I lived in to visit a beautiful mountain lake to jump off rocks, swim up to a cold mountain waterfall and feel the fresh water splash on our faces, to float and ski in solitude and serenity? Kayaking next to otters, sea lions, pelicans and watching dolphins jump in and out of the water at the end of a pier? A wedding back in Texas with old childhood friends and family, where the plane touching the ground made me cry and taking off made me cry again? Two weeks of the homesick blues again? A wonderful, encouraging visit from two of some of the most influential people of my life? Routine work? A relaxing visit to Napa to sit by the pool, ride bikes from winery to winery and up to a lake? My recent ponderings, self-reflection, life-reflection, internal struggles?

Picture to the left is courtesy of Jeff and Cindy; used without permission but my boyfriend took it, so I have rights! Right?. : )

I realize part of relationship with people is the sharing of yourself with another, and, part of caring for one another is knowing what is happening in one anothers' lives. So, to hold up my end of the bargain (and my apologies to those who did not bargain for this!): There have been many activities, trips, things, thoughts, feelings . . . There have been many thoughts of the debate in my head concerning narcissism and self-absorption versus genuine vulnerability with who we are and our real lives. There have been times of speechlessness as a result--feeling like everything's been said or said too much or that words are insufficient. All the activities and consumption of California (or what this area of California has to offer) are starting to be drowned out by the cry of wanting something more significant than consumption, "talk," or packaging. I'm itching to "do" something, see change, love better with the breath of time I've been given here. There is more to do than take trips and more to behold. This begs the question, "So, what are you going to 'do'?" The goal is to get these school loans paid and go overseas to do some medical mission work. In the meantime, I'm ready to find something here to invest time in--volunteering or a ministry to be a part of. Oncology nursing used to be ministry--meaning that's where I could "pour out" and, as they say in basketball, "leave it all on the floor." But, my current nursing job, although it requires love and investment as well, is not quite as ministerial, and doesn't require the same type of emotional energy as oncology nursing did.

Angie and I, relaxing at Raymond Brother's Winery,

after being bitten by a goat . . .

So, "what has been happening?" Life. Good and real life, full of all the ups and downs, happy times, laughter, friends, times of missing other friends and home, restlessness, feeling completely satisfied at other times. But, it's time to minister, to love, and to serve. Now, you can hold me accountable. : )

This was still "all about me." Lord, help me!

Monterey Bay

Monterey. Can't remember which biologist's home this was,

but he was a friend of Steinbeck's, who also lived in Monterey.

The concrete cubes were where the biologist would hold sea animals

he would study, like octopuses, sharks, etc..

More of Monterey's piers.

Kayaking Elkhorn Slough, near Monterey. Very fun!

Robert Mondavi's vines and grapes.

V. Sattui's cellar.

Angie and I, after biking up to the Hennesy Resevoir

on a scary road without a bike lane!

Jeff and I at Lake Hennesy

Miss you all and sending my love! (Thanks for your interest and for telling me to "update my blog"!)

Word Of God Speak by Mercy Me

I'm finding myself at a loss for words
And the funny thing is it's okay
The last thing I need is to be heard
But to hear what You would say

[CHORUS]
Word of God speak
Would You pour down like rain
Washing my eyes to see
Your majesty
To be still and know
That You're in this place
Please let me stay and rest
In Your holiness
Word of God speak

I'm finding myself in the midst of You
Beyond the music, beyond the noise
All that I need is to be with You
And in the quiet hear Your voice

[REPEAT CHORUS 2x]

I'm finding myself at a loss for words
And the funny thing is it's okay

Goodbye, Tarah-rizer and Hello Status Quo.

2010-07-14T12:08:00.000-07:00

Goodbye, Tarah . . .

Tarah, the last of my traveling friends, rolled out of the Bay Area Sunday morning with her mom to help drive the post-night-shift-sleep-deprivation-induced-intoxication-ridden-night-nurse on the first days of driving back to Minne-SOH-ta. It is the end of a mini-era. Sure, there will always be more people to meet and to become friends with, but these were the original Fab Five Travelers and friends I met when I first came to California. They are special. Tarah heads to NYC to start her new assignment there at the end of the month. She's been great fun to have around and I will miss her unique sense of humor, sarcasm and wit. I will probably miss her Minne-SOH-tan accent more than anything! Okay, maybe I won't miss it the most of all, but I will miss it and laugh to myself when I think about it. Soh long, Tah-rah! Enjoy the East Coast, again! : )

California is finally warming up and finally feeling like it might be summer. Although, I have still only worn a swimsuit about three times this year, all three in the hot tub at the inn (I'm having swimming withdrawals and may have to head down to San Diego soon . . . ). The grass is no longer green, but golden brown and it's incredibly dry here. However, the weather really is great. The sun shines most days, it's 70-85 degrees during the day and mid 50's-60's at night. Perfect weather, other than a little too cool for skirts/shorts in the evening and a little too cool, for a Texan's taste, to swim. The flowers are still beautiful and there are Jacarandas in bloom and are very nice. There are some trees that are confused and think it's time for their leaves to turn (it always seems like some trees think it's fall) . . . This is, indeed, a beautiful place.

Hello Status Quo . . .

Some of my girlfriends from all around the globe and some here locally are doing a Beth Moore Bible study (Daniel: Lives of Integrity; Words of Prophecy) which reminds us to be present in the culture we are found and relevant to it and the people in it, but to not be held captive by it--to not allow it to rule us in any number of ways, such as being consumed by keeping up the status quo in terms of financial status, professional status, intellectual status, physical appearance, etc.

I currently live in San Jose, in the Silicon Valley, where the "dot com boom" boomed. I was about to say San Francisco or Menlo Park were among the richest cities/areas in the US, but as I just looked, according to Forbes, San Jose is number one with the median of homes costing $625k (San Fran is listed as 3rd). So, among all the Mercedes, BMW's, Jaguars, large homes, entitlement, perfectly sculpted bodies, Louis Vuitton, Coach purses, professional competition, and large homes, it seems it can be easy to be sucked into the ultimate "American Dream" paradigm--go, go, go; get, get, get; have the best, look the best, be the best. Competition is the way of life and I've heard some here argue this may be the most competitive place on earth, especially in terms of technology. Apple, Yahoo, Google, Facebook, HP, Adobe, Verisign, Cisco are just some of the names we encounter every day, headquartered here. It's the "normal" rat race to be on top and be the best, amplified.

Not everybody in the area lives pursuing wealth, the best bod, or BMWs. I know many who are solidly grounded. But, the pressures of reaching and keeping the competitive status quo are very loud here. Maybe the pressures are not any louder here than in Highland Park, Texas, but, I do find it much louder than in LBK. Maybe it's all relatively and proportionately the same, but is on a larger scale. I don't know, but I do think it can be easy to be distracted to pursue status instead of things that are more worth our time than frantically trying to gain things that only last a few years. This is not to be judgmental of folks with funds or find themselves with status as a result of their persistent, hard work. People can and do use their status for good things, as well. It's the being all-consumed, swallowed up, and held captive or debilitated by the motives and desires to obtain these things so that they define a person's purpose, time and life that I'm weighing.

The overarching question of the Beth Moore study is how do we be relevant and applicable here without our identities being consumed or ruled by this culture? Do we obtain just enough of the status quo to be relevant to those or do we live in the status quo? Do we just not care at all and possibly be irrelevant and unrelatable? Does it really matter? What's worth our time and energy? We have a life expectancy of 77.9 years, these days (CDC FASTSTATS). Seventy-seven years to do what we're going to do, however small or big it may be. What should be pursued?

I hope I keep my eye on the ball. Of course, there is only so much status a nurses' salary can buy! Nevertheless . . . I hope too much time, energy and focus is not wasted pursuing fleeting, ultimately unimportant things.

I hope you are all doing well, blessed and happy! Happy summer!

"Moving" to California!

2010-06-27T23:37:00.000-07:00

When I started travel nursing, I knew a completely new chapter was beginning in my life and another was ending. I anticipated meeting new people and seeing new things, but didn't really know what to expect other than that. I didn't know I would love where I was taken as much as I do. I didn't know there would be so much to do here and to enjoy. I didn't know I would be driving across the country a second time to "move" to California, of all places, "semi" permanently, to work at Stanford. Today, as we were driving back into the bay after spending a day laying on the beach, watching and listening to the breakers crash onto the beach and after hiking the rolling golden hills, then driving back through the mountains through the redwoods and seeing the Diablo range's golden mountainsides glowing in the setting sunlight across the valley with San Jose and the rest of the South Bay suburbs sprawling the valley, I was awestruck by the beauty and serenity of even a bustling city and metro area. I didn't anticipate my driving my things to California in a Penske truck, not knowing exactly how long I'll be here. But, it happened . . . I am now a "California resident." Never did I see this in my future, even a year ago! But, I am excited I'm here and look forward to what will happen here.

So, on Memorial Day weekend, I flew out to Texas to clear out my storage unit and to put everything that's "to keep" on a truck to have it shipped out to Cali so that I could just delegate what to put on the truck and wait for somebody else to do the very long, not-amazingly-fun 1,400+ mile drive to San Jose from LBK. Well, the moving company truck driver had other plans and, I suppose, decided it was time to retire that weekend. Moving didn't happen that weekend, although, I did get to see many wonderful old friends in LBK and was able to see family for a couple of days.

The next weekend, I tried again, and flew back out to LBK, this time with reinforcements (have to give Jeff props) and the plan was to load up a Penske truck ourselves and drive it back, ourselves. . . This time, all went perfectly. Daniel K and Katie M also helped us load up the truck (thanks, guys!!!) and it would have taken about 4 more hours without their help. So, we worked our way back out to the west coast, in about two full days of driving, and finally got my things out to Cali! And, although I was thankful for the time to live simply, without many material things of my own, I did miss my things, as ultimately unimportant as they are.

Here are some pics from the drive!

Jeff and I . . . He drove the big truck and lifted many heavy things!

Thank you, Jeff! (Danie and Katie, I don't have pictures of you,

but I am grateful for your help as well!!!)

This is the Golden State . . .

I have officially started at Stanford as a "regular staff" employee. I'm not used to thinking of myself as "regular staff"! The crew has been great and are enjoying giving the newbie a hard time. I will enjoy my time with them.

So, I moved out of the Inn. I was so very thankful for the support, encouragement, and company of Ralph and Theresa, who run the Inn, as well as the other guests there. It was a fun time and they were extremely generous and open-hearted, sharing their home, their cabin in the Sierras, making sure all was well with me and my other travel nurse friends, cooking for us . . . They were wonderful and I will always be grateful for them.

Ralph and I, enjoying making s'mores!

Arjan (a former guest), Theresa and I. I blame Theresa's and Ralph's

wonderful cooking for the extra puff on my face!

The BBQ's, cookies, and everything else were wonderful!

Now, I'm living in a cottage back-house, behind a home in San Jose. I am very near a friend and her husband from LBK, which will be fun. I love the new cottage. It's nice, my landlords are very nice and take wonderful care of me. This will be a good place to be. The only downside is many northern Cal homes do not have AC . . . so, it gets warm, but, since it's in the 70's most days here for a high, it's not much of a discomfort. I have spent most of my days in capris or pants, often wearing sweaters except for a couple of hours during the day in the afternoon. : ) I also have no tan and have not worn a swimming suit except to sit in the hot tub. I do not feel like it's summer at all. It's very pleasant, though, and great for other outdoor activities.

I hope you are all doing well! : )

Letting go or holding on?

2010-05-22T04:01:00.000-07:00

Bebo Norman has a great song with a line that says, "This could be all about just letting go. Or this could be all about just holding on."

Heather pulled out of California today. As Tarah and I waved her on, her little prius with "moo" on the license plate, packed to the top, full of the essentials for living and a few souvenirs from the along the way, and riding a little low, Tarah said, "And the five became three, and the three became two . . . " The five of us who started at the hospital at the same time became three as our Bostonians left about 6 weeks ago, and now, it's just Tarah and I, hangin' at the inn for a couple of more weeks before I move to another neighborhood. We both sighed and shuffled back up the front steps of the inn, heads hanging a little low, to head back to bed.

Last week, Heather and I took our favorite drive down the 1 on the coast, one last time before she heads to Montana for her next assignment. We went into this little local shop in Half Moon Bay so she could buy some wedding gifts for family and friends. Making conversation, the storekeeper asked us what we do and where we're from. As Heather explained we're travel nurses and what that means, the lady said, "Wow! You're gypsies, ladies!" Well, except for the thieving part, I suppose we are. Ok, maybe just the others, because I'm going to stay here for a while, but, I still feel like one--transient and temporary, just passing through.

So, this experience and past year full of transitions and changes has led me ask the question: is life about "letting go" or "holding on"? We let go when we move out of our hometowns and away from our parents for the first time and go to college or begin working. We let go of the grade of a bombed test after studying for hours. We let go of hurtful words or situations. We let go of unhealthy relationships. We let go of things that have expired or spoiled or are just past their time like places, situations, things, people, life stages.

If we don't let go of things when they are past their time, or may be spoiled or toxic to us (like not letting go of a hurt inflicted upon us and refusing to forgive), they can kill us or hold us captive in ways. Not letting go can keep us from living as we are bound and chained by the past, even if it's good things we don't let go of, like precious friends when the time comes. If we don't let go and decide to live in the past, to only live for things already gone, we miss out on the blessings of new friendships in new places or new lessons, because we refuse to let them in when we are so preoccupied by that which is already gone or completed or finished. "Letting go" also allows others to move on in our blessing, looking forward for what is next for them, so they may enjoy it to the full, without the hindrance of a little dark cloud from our lack of blessing them to enjoy it. We should let them go, in our blessing, and let them live in the joy and excitement of the anticipation of the rich experiences of their next adventure.

Later, Moo.

Letting go of the things in us that are toxic or harmful or binding for us is also essential for our own growth and health. How can we move on if we refuse to let go of things that keep our feet tied? How can I love others if I don't love myself enough to let go of things that harm me, like habits or addictions that have a hold on me, or even self-depricating thoughts? Let it go. I have to let go of all the lies told me about who I am by the world: "You are not beautiful enough;" "You are not wearing nice enough clothes or living in a nice enough house or driving a nice enough car;" "You need to work harder to get on top;" "You need to be more intelligent to be accepted." Lies. Let them go.

What do we "hold on" to? There are relationships that we hold on to, even over distances and time. Family. Fellowship. We hold on to the new friends we make in new places as we love them and they love us through the "newness" and life in our new places. But, there's one thing I've had to cling to more than anything else, as everything else is transient and transitional: I've been forced to hold on to and run after Faith and Truth. One thing has remained steady and solid--My God, even when, especially when I have not remained steady in my pursuit of Him. But, any time I realize I need to pursue Him and find Truth, comfort, encouragement, hope, He's not far away and is ready and eager to comfort and teach. Sometimes, my friends have to leave or I have to leave in order to be desperate enough to feverishly seek Him and remember all He is and has done for me, the hope I have in His promise that He is always with me. Sometimes, it seems, I have to feel like so much is changing or slipping away, that I have nothing else but Him that is and will always be steady and sure. I think that's something worth holding on to.

I suppose it takes a lifetime of practice to know what to hold on to and what to let go of. Holding on to the right things makes life worth living and purposeful and good. Letting go of the right things does the same and allows us and others to move forward. Maybe it's just practicing adequate balance of letting go and holding on that's the challenge, as well as holding on to and letting go of the right things.

So (on to the "update" part of this blog, rather than reflectionary rantings), now is a time of both "letting go" and "holding on." : ) Heather leaves, Tarah and I remain. I am moving to a little backhouse "cottage" in a nice neighborhood about a 10 minute walk from a friend from Lubbock (she and her husband moved out here a couple of months ago) and I am VERY excited about that (I will be "holding on" to my friendship with Bethany! : ). I start my permanent position at Stanford in the middle of June, and I am excited about that as well. I enjoy the unit I work on (23-hour outpatient surgery and the infusion center for people needing outpatient 30 min to 6 hour infusions) and enjoy the folks I work with. The weather here . . . somebody lied when they said "warm, sunny California!" It's been cool, windy, and we're still having rain, even though the cool and rainy season is "over." I miss the warm evenings and thunderstorms of home! But, there are many things on the to-do list for the spring and summer, like Yosemite!, Tahoe!, San Diego!, umm . . . and lots of other things!

I hope you are all doing well and are blessed!

You keep your heart above your head and your eyes wide open
So this world can't find a way to leave you cold
And know you're not the only ship out on the ocean
Save your strength for things that you can change
Forgive the ones you can't
You gotta let 'em go

Like a sweet sunset in Georgia let it go
And like the fear that grabs ahold ya let it go
Let it go
Let it go

From "Let it Go," by the Zac Brown Band

Texas Men and Texas

2010-04-20T13:54:00.000-07:00

There’s nothing like the smell of a cleaned up Texas man. Those of you, who have grown up in West Texas or small-town Texas or have roots there, know what I’m talking about. These are the men who go out and work the pasture or land, whether be it farming, ranching, working out in the oil fields or in the oil or gas refineries, out on the feedlots, or any other trade. These men go work hard all day and come home in their dirty shirts, oily, smelling like the tractor or truck and dirt, hair disheveled (if they have their hair under their sweaty hat--maybe they already have that hat-induced receding hairline), kick off their boots and take a deep breath and go, “Whew!” There’s nothing like receiving a hug from a dirty Texas man. Then, for public or special occasions, they “get cleaned up.” They go wash off the dirt and grit from a long day of work, put on their best starched and pressed button up shirt, tuck it into their starched wranglers with the permanent crease-line down the middle of the front of the pant-legs, buckle their belt buckle, put on their shiny “dress” boots, dab on a little of that cologne that every clean Texas man seems to wear, and they’re ready for whatever occasion awaits. Maybe it’s their kid’s ballgame. Maybe it’s a party. Maybe it’s dinner out with the family or a holiday dinner. But, there’s nothing quite like seeing and smelling and receiving a hug from a “cleaned up” Texas man.

A handsome Texas man sat next to me on the flight from Austin to Dallas this morning and, like so many of the other sights and sounds and smells I’ve experienced on this little mini-pilgrimmage back to my “homeland,” it made me feel like I was "home." He reminded me of all the Texas men in my family who get cleaned up and smell so good. There’s nothing like hugging a clean Texas man and burying your face into his neck and taking a big whiff of whatever secret cologne it is they wear. But, my Granddaddy wears it. My Daddy wears it. My uncles wear it. I just wanted to give that man, who was about the same age as my Daddy and uncles, a big hug and take a big whiff. And, it seems to me, that that dress and that smell is usually accompanied by a gentlemanly, teddy bear heart. I am home, indeed.

So, as I was sitting there, in the airport of my state’s capital, listening to sweet country music play over the public speakers, watching people slowly stroll by in their unique Texas style, as I was looking out the windows at the green grass the spring rains bring, after having driven past ditches and medians full of bluebonnets, Indian paintbrush and other wildflowers I can’t name but are still familiar, feeling especially nostalgic on this week-long trip back home to Texas to visit family and friends and to take “Texas” in, my thoughts turned to “Texas” and “home” and “who I am” and “where I come from.” What is “Texas”? Where is “home”? “Who am I?” And, “where do I come from?”

In California, I’ve noted some general animosity towards “Texas” and often wait for a look of surprise and possible disgust or judgment as I tell them where I’m from. There are many stereotypes out there, about Texas as well as California. We in Texas, tend to think of our “good ol’ southern values” and open hearts and friendly smiles and waves while others outside of Texas may think of our radical gun-blazin’, big mouthin‘, radical conservatism, capital punishment and “the axis of evil.” People in California (okay, northern California) tend to think of their beautiful landscapes, the mountains, the Bay, the ocean and beaches, the embrace of people from anywhere and everywhere and accepting people for who they are, allowing them to express themselves while others outside of California may think of radical liberalism, hippies, drugs, mohawks, piercings, tats, lipo-suction, facelifts, boob jobs and The Housewives of Orange County (which is in Southern California). While some of these things in the accounts of both Texas and California are somewhat true in some instances, I’ve learned misperceptions and inaccurate preconceptions are ubiquitous in both areas and probably all over the world concerning everywhere else in the world.

So, Texas. Ah, Texas! Maybe I will momentarily become the stereotypical “Texan” as I recount all the glories Texas has to offer! I can’t help it, Texas is home and Texas is in me. Besides, haven’t all my other blog entries been about the glories of California? I don’t want to over-glorify Texas, although this still may qualify. She has her many problems, as does everywhere else. But, this is Texas to me: Good-smellin’, cleaned up, pressed and starched Wranglers-wearin’ men; dirty trucks on dusty roads and kids, like myself, boppin up and down in the passenger seat as we bounce down the road on the farm, or standing in the bed of the truck, holdin’ on to the headache rack with our faces in the wind as our hair is blown crazy, smilin' and laughin’; Dad stopping the truck, getting out the shovel and killin' a rattler; learnin’ how to siphen water over the waterin' ditch so it flows down the rows to water the corn (shake the pipe first, so you don’t git bit by snake!); barbed wire fences; breathtaking sunsets; the best Tex-Mex in the world ( ! ); amazing barbeque; mesquite trees; yucca; dodging tumbleweeds in the car; having at least one dent or scratch on your car from a tumble-weed as big as your car; running from tornadoes (literally, running down the street, seeing tornadoes and funnels on three sides, carrying all of our pets down to the cellar, the tornado siren blaring, on more than one occasion!); knowing exactly what shade of green of the sky means to keep an eye out and ears perked for tornadoes; a good and exciting electrical storm with thunder that makes you jump and rattles the windows; the low, slow roll of thunder as a thunderstorm rolls out; the sound of the breeze through the cottonwood trees; the sound of locusts proclaiming the heat of the summer; the annoying but still somehow awesome brown dust-storm of the LBK; and, one of my favorites, the slow drawl and sweet twang of country talkin’ Texans, like saying “tar” for “tire” or “reckon” or “darlin’” or the tell-tale “fixin’ to” . . .

Why are we Texans so darn proud? I’m not sure. It’s probably nothin’ but good ol’ brainwashin’ since we were just tiny Texas toots. Even so, Texas is where I’m from and will always be from. It’s where my Granny used to fix us chocolate gravy and we used to sit around the bar while she made more toast and wait for the next slice because she couldn’t make them fast enough for us and we would immediately smother the toast with the delectable chocolate gravy and dip our bacon in it. It’s where I rode a tractor and combine and Daddy let me pull the levers and I watched the corn fall into the grain cart, wide-eyed and fascinated. It’s where my brother and I got “lost” in the canyon by the lake. It’s where we changed the rock-sign on the hill at the lake that read “Lee Hill” to “Crowe Hill” : ). It’s where I learned to always watch for rattlesnakes. It’s where “somebody” shot an arrow into our neighbor’s car at the lake (it wasn't me). It’s where countless slumber parties took place, including one the night before prom when we got rained in at Cortney’s house, down the mile-long muddy road and I drove backwards all the way to get out because I would get stuck going forwards. It’s where Jayme’s mom had cookies waiting for us the first time I rode the bus out to her house to spend the night. It’s where I drove a 1987 black Chevy van, Cortney an old blue pickup truck with the shift on the column, Amy-big red, and Jayme--the train whistle buick. It’s where I graduated high school and college. It’s where all my friends got married. It’s where I was born and where my Granny and cousin died. And, it’s where we remember the Alamo!!!

That’s why I’m proud I’m a Texan, I suppose. All this, and so much more, has happened in Texas.

So, this week, I got to see friends and family in Austin and Sunray. I saw how we've grown up and aren't little kids anymore. We have grownup jobs, grownup spouses, are grownup parents . . . I saw how things have changed and how they have stayed the same. I got to eat the same El Rancho Mexican food I grew up on and is legendary in these parts. I got to enjoy my Texas heritage, my Texas friends, and my Texas family. And, I remembered, I still love Texas! Yes-sir-ee Bob, I still love Texas!

My great-granddad, "Grandpa Gibson," helped lay these tracks north of Sunray.

He met his bride-to-be when he was injured on the job, working on the railroad,

and "Grandma Gibson" and her family nursed him back to health in their home.

Let's go fly a kite!

2010-04-03T17:16:00.000-07:00

Last week, Heather, who seems to be the main character of my stories these days since we live in the same bed and breakfast, received a package from someone special. In her package were two kites, on which were batman and one of the smurfs! So, thanks to her special someone, Heather, Batman, Smurfie and I went to Venice Beach at Halfmoon Bay and flew her kites! We had a fun time getting the kites up (it had been many years for the both of us, since either of us have attempted to fly kites!). I tried to run with mine just dragging behind me to get mine (Batman) up. Then, it turned out, the breeze off of the ocean was enough that all we had to do was simply hold it up and let the string out. Oh. So, we help up our kites, slowly let the string out and watched them float higher and higher until they were just little diamonds in the sky. We laughed at the fact that we are in our late 20's flying little flimsy Batman and Smurf kites on the beach and laughed because it was so much fun. We walked around the beach a little with our kites flying, checked out the little natural streams going into the ocean from the land, watched the huge waves roll in, Heather did some dance kicks on the beach, and we shivered a little in the cold. It was a great time. We also laughed as each of our kites came diving down at least once and gladly blamed it on the upper level wind changes and not our kite-flying skills. It was as much fun flying kites on the beach as I expect it would be if we were children again. We became little girls again, at least for a couple of hours.

Heather and Smurfie enjoying their long walk on the beach.

This is the last time we saw Smurfie alive.

This is Heather chasing Smurfie after he jumped out of her hands and into the little stream which consequently washed him into the ocean. And it was much too cold for us to dive in after him. Bye, bye Smurfie. RIP.

I yelled at the seagulls flying above to not bomb me. One guess as to what happened . . .

You guessed it.

So, for consolation, we drove down the coast and stopped at this homemade jam place and tasted some jam and had some really great strawberry apple cider to warm us up. It was a thrilling and funny day. : )

Happy Easter, everybody!

Springtime in the Bay

2010-03-26T21:21:00.000-07:00

Hello all. I hope you are all doing well and enjoying the official season of spring! It's been a couple of weeks since my last update. Sorry about that. It's probably nice to have a break (for those of you who receive updates via email : ).

Life has been good around here. Mom and Dad were able to come for a weekend in the Bay the first weekend of March, which was a ton of fun! They arrived on Friday around lunchtime and the Super-Fast Tour de the Bay commenced! We: had lunch at my favorite and very yummy pizza place in San Jose; drove through the Santa Cruz mountains to Big Basin Redwoods State Park so they could catch a very quick glimpse of the big, beautiful, ancient 1,600 year-old redwoods; drove on to Santa Cruz on the coast and watched many catch some waves and surf while watching the spray of the waves on the cliffs; drove up the 1, stopped at a homemade jam place and tasted some jam (very fun little joint); drove on to Half Moon Bay for dinner on the coast (but we sat inside by the fire--Happy birthday, Mom!!!); The next day was The City: we rode the cable cars; had lunch at The Cheesecake Factory atop Macy's overlooking Union Square; rode the cable car to Chinatown and experienced some of Chinatown; walked down through Little Italy; did Fisherman's Wharf and Pier 39 (saw the few sea lions there); and last, we had about 1,000 calories' worth of Ghiradelli ice cream each. : ) The third day we drove to Napa Valley and drove up and down country roads and marveled at the beauty of The Wine Country. We enjoyed a picnic lunch at V. Sattui Winery (very beautiful, although cold, windy and sprinkly) and did a cave tour--led by a Red Raider!--and tasting of Pine Ridge Winery. We also stopped at Robert Mondavi and browsed the shop and glanced at the vineyards (it was too cold to explore much, at that point). It was all a whirlwind tour, but, it was worth it, even if we were all tired from it. Hopefully we will be able to do more next time.

Robert Mondavi Winery

A couple of the travel nurses who have been here since October are about to leave in about 3 weeks, so we are trying to get in as much fun and time together as we can. It's bittersweet for us. We laugh about the ridiculous and funny and not-so-funny experiences we've had that are bound to happen when you travel across the country for a short-term job. I was telling one of the girls I remember our first day at Stanford, when I passed one of the girls in the hallway with a scared, lost look on her face (I'm sure my face was the same) and then finally finding where we were supposed to have orientation and I remember the other girls already engrossed in deep conversation. I remember our first lunch and the introductory questions we asked and many of the responses. I remember at that lunch when we all had a hearty belly laugh about the same ridiculous experiences driving thousands of miles to get there and how the tension was released and the sigh of relief we all breathed at that moment. I smile as I think about our first hike together, our first dinner by the water and all the other firsts. It seems like ages ago, but just like yesterday! We've only known each other for six months, but we are the only family we had out here and I would imagine we will remain close and in touch from now on. I am so thankful for these women and I have been so blessed with encouragement, comfort, and joy through them. We have laughed until we cried. We played drums together with dishes at Christmas. We dipped our toes in the Pacific for the first time together, in the dark, while Kelly's sandal was washed out by a wave (we got it back!).

Napa Valley (picture is courtesy of my Dad and is

used without permission! Thanks, Dad!)

Kelly and I were on a hike yesterday and were talking about the perpetual rolling change of life: people; places; times . . . Things change. Places change. People change. The times change. We meet people, develop relationships, and sometimes have to say goodbye. There are some that will persist through the miles and some that won't. There are some that last even if you don't keep in touch well. There are some you were just friends with simply because of proximity. Others because of commonalities and interests or shared experiences. I am thankful for them all. I have seen how change is necessary to experience new things. I see how movement is necessary for progression, whether it's physical movement or figuratively speaking . . . Not that relationships from the past are regressive. On the contrary. But, if I had not moved from Lubbock, I would not have met these wonderful women and have shared this experience with them that I would not trade. I would not trade my experiences in Lubbock, either. But, new experiences result from change. I probably still don't necessarily like change, but, maybe I appreciate it more than I did before I experienced this much of it. Or, maybe I just appreciate things and people and experiences from before the change and after the change more than I did before I experienced this change. So, I'm sad to see these girls go. I keep attempting to sabotage their efforts to get back to Boston, unsuccessfully. : )

The bottom of Mission Peak

Here are some picks from the folks' trip and the hike with kelly yesterday. Love you all and hope you're doing well! Please keep in touch! Some of you have said you have tried to leave comments but it won't let you. My apologies. Feel free to email me to keep in touch (or call!). Be blessed!

Working our way up Mission Peak

The view atop Mission Peak (almost atop . . . 4/5's "atop" :)

V. Sattui's Deli . . . we had a picnic on the grounds for lunch.

The Reserves at V.Sattui

V. Sattui Winery in Napa Valley.

Seacrets

2010-03-03T01:18:00.000-08:00

Heather wanted to go to the coast today. Heather was gone for a few weeks since her contract at Stanford allowed her some time to go home and attend some weddings. So, today, while it was raining, we headed to the coast again. We tried last week, but it was very rainy and cold. We thought by the time we arrived at the coast this attempt, hopefully the sun would be shining and we could enjoy a hike along the cliffside.

When we crested the mountains headed west, the fog slowly began to give way to breaking clouds and some sunshine. But, light rain, even in the sunshine, forced us to kill some time before we could try the hike. We drove about five miles up Highway 1 hoping we would find something to entertain in the meantime. We found this nice little cafe on "the 1," with an espresso bar and wine tasting. So, while we waited for the rain to surrender to sunshine, Heather tasted some wines (I partook a couple of sips) and I enjoyed an iced mocha while we chatted away, passing the time like we had nothing else in the world to do and no cares. Not many were in the little cafe and we watched a sweet little couple in the corner love one another. We looked out the window at a breathtaking view of the lush green cliffs with the waves pounding at their walls. We watched the rain lightly fall as it began to fade to sprinkles and then to on to only warm sunshine. We talked about nothing and everything as we sat and watched. We laughed as the little hostess became annoyed with me as I declined to taste wine and she said, "Well, do you want some water, then, since you're not having wine?" as she rolled her eyes at me (that would be the time I ordered the mocha, which I didn't mind).

So, we finished the little bit of wine and mocha, stepped off the porch into the welcome sunshine after the rain, anticipating seeing the "big waves" at Wilder State Park. We drove to the park, paid the money to enter, then happily chatted and strolled along as we made our way to the cliffs. We gasped and laughed as we saw how huge the waves were and the powerful booms and splashes they were creating on the cliff walls. We stood in silence, smiling, watching little sea gulls down on the beach below run away from the incoming foamy waves, then chase them back out, then run away, chase them back out, as their pace changed when the waves' pace changed with the intensity of the incoming or outgoing wave. We laughed at the birds.

We continued walking to the next cliff, where we stood on the sheer rocks, would hear a low pound and thump, then be splashed with the spray of the sea as the water splashed 60 feet in the air, was caught by the wind and would meet us. We tasted the salt. We stood in the spray. We smelled the sea. We laughed and yelled almost every thump and spray. We watched the seagulls gracefully and effortlessly glide over the cliffs and sea, like they knew secrets about the sea we could never understand. We looked at all the broken sea shells the waves had tossed atop the cliffs when the tide was high and waves were strong enough. We watched the tall waves swallow the big rocks below then recede as the water would spill over the edges until the next time 20 seconds later.

Click on these photos for much better resolution and picture quality.

We kept walking and found a little cove with a beach. We scuttled down the cliff on a little trail, next to a little water fall from all of the rain we've had the past couple of days and we walked on a beach with no footprints while leaving our own. We stood by the cliffs where the water was falling down the rock from 50 feet above and stood in the shower of the freshwater making it's way to the salty sea. We watched the waves hit the walls ahead of us as we faced the sea and the enormous waves came rolling in. We ran from waves as they chased us while we laughed because we were afraid our shoes and socks would be soaked with the frigid water.

We continued for a while longer, seeing more cliffs, more spray, hearing more of the pounding sea. We kept talking and laughing and yelling in awe. But, we had to turn around and walk back to get back to our dinner made with love by Theresa, our innkeeper. So, we turned back and made our way back to the car, over the mountains, through the woods, back to the inn, to come home to a crackling fire, hot chicken chili, and fun conversation with the young and the not as young, around good, warm food and a good, warm fire.

Wow! What a day!

How Great Thou Art

O Lord my God, When I in awesome wonder,
Consider all the worlds Thy Hands have made;
I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder,
Thy power throughout the universe displayed.

Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art.
Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art!

When through the woods, and forest glades I wander,
And hear the birds sing sweetly in the trees.
When I look down, from lofty mountain grandeur
And see the brook, and feel the gentle breeze.

Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art.
Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art!

And when I think, that God, His Son not sparing;
Sent Him to die, I scarce can take it in;
That on the Cross, my burden gladly bearing,
He bled and died to take away my sin.

Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art.
Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art!

When Christ shall come, with shout of acclamation,
And take me home, what joy shall fill my heart.
Then I shall bow, in humble adoration,
And then proclaim: "My God, how great Thou art!"

Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art.
Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art!

I must give credit where credit is due: Heather took some of these pictures and all of them were taken with her camera. : ) Thanks, Heather!

The Homesick Tide

2010-02-11T19:28:00.000-08:00

One of my inn-mates said about 4 weeks ago, "I'm homesick," very matter-of-factly and then asked, "Do you ever get homesick?" My answer at that time was, "I'm doing pretty well right now. I've been spending a lot of time with my girlfriends, so I haven't really been all that homesick lately."

Everybody knows that "homesick" feeling. I'm sure it's a little different for everybody, but I think we all know that sinking feeling in the gut of isolation or solitude or separation from the ones and things we love.

The past week, I have been homesick. I guess it's inevitable and no big surprise. I think it's hitting me now for a couple of reasons: the first being I haven't been spending as much time with my friends, as we've all been very busy working and our schedules are opposite one another and one will be moving in April, then the others possibly shortly thereafter; the second being it's been about 4 complete months since I've "moved" here; the third being the more serious probability that I will stay here and take a permanent position in the area and continued discussions of the possibility. I've been missing friends and family from home. One of my friends and I were discussing on the phone (one of us on the west coast, the other on the east) that we don't really miss the places of home (although we do somewhat), but the people and the good times, the memories, the being known well. I feel it when I feel engulfed by a sea of millions of faces. I feel the same feeling when I see people hurting or suffering and struggle with why. Maybe it's all a longing for things to be better--for health, justice, community, healthy fellowship, for struggling, breaking, striving and working against the injustices to be finished.

Seeing how the tides of homesickness ebb and flow or the way the good times oscillate with the difficult times in life are always good and is one of those "things that make [me] go hmm . . . " The good times give us relief from the bad and are times of joy for us. The hard times make us appreciate the times life is good. It makes me stop and think about the reality of the state of the world, what blessings I do have in life, and what I want this life to be and mean. Sad times, happy times, times of abundant community and fellowship, times of loneliness and no community, are all good, even if not all enjoyable at the time. I think our responses and posture in different times and situations show us and the world who we are and what the world is to us. How do we grow if not met by challenge? How do we develop if not given the opportunity to make a choice to respond one way or the other?

So, what are we supposed to do when we are "homesick?" I'm not sure . . . I've tried to "be strong and ignore it," but I know that doesn't work. I'm not sure wearing my cowboy boots and listening to country music really helps either, but, I am thankful I have people and memories that have meant so much to me, have moved me so, that my stomach hurts, my eyes tear, and my heart sinks when I think of them. That means I've been blessed to love them and be loved by them. I think we are given homesickness not to ignore it or to dwell in forlorn self-pity in it. But, I do think we should experience it, feel it, appreciate it, and emerge from it hopefully having learned something from it.

"Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning."

Lessons for a "Traveler" . . .

2010-02-02T15:15:00.000-08:00

I hope everyone is doing well when you read this! Hopefully, most of you are staying warm and out of the cold after the blizzard!!! (I'm a little jealous . . . )

So, it has been about four months since I left home and came to California. So much has happened, it seems like a lifetime! My uncle asked me over Christmas, "Is it really as good as the emails [blog] say[s]?" Yes, there are times, like two days ago I am homesick and miss Texas, my friends and all the familiar places and things and I'll wear my cowboy boots around and listen to country music in an attempt to make myself feel a little better. But, then I'll have a fun day at work or with my fun, new, sweet friends or see a beautiful scene and it makes the pangs of that homesick feeling not so sharp. I know I'm an idealist and am probably ignorant of many realities of situations, including my own. But, I cannot help but feel this has been a positive and fun experience, for which I am so thankful for every little bit.

Every so often, I'll think of a little lesson I've learned during these short 4 months, some profound and some not at all. Here's a short list:

1. Cities are smaller than I thought they were. I'm not even really sure what I mean by that. A drive from San Jose to San Francisco takes an hour and you never leave "city," and can take a couple of hours to traverse the Bay Area metro area, like the Dallas metroplex, so, that's really still very big. But, it also does not take me very long to get other places and it doesn't take as long as I thought to become familiar with the main roads, even though I still make wrong turns often. So, it feels smaller here than I expected.

2. This may seem contradictory to number 1, but GPSs are definitely worth the $200 (although they do no eliminate every wrong turn : ).

3. Simple living is the way to go! I only have a car-full of belongings out here, half of which I use consistently and much of which I could still probably donate to Goodwill and live without. I have really enjoyed the simple living traveling has made me accustomed to now. Even though I have half a car-full of things I have for "just in case," it's still about 6 carloads less than what's in storage in Texas . . . which is much easier to manage. Less is more!

4. Travel nursing is a good shopping deterrent! Coinciding with number 3, knowing you have to pack up in your already-near-full-capacity car and move everything you buy after every assignment keeps you from buying junk you don't need! When thinking about buying something, the question "do you really want to pack this?" comes to mind, to which I usually respond, "nope!" and happily place it back on the shelf or rack.

5. It's been worth it so far. I love and miss Texas, Lubbock, McAlisters, The Cracker Barrel, WPC, my family and friends there. But I have enjoyed so much the new friends I have made, the beautiful country, the diversity of the people here, the thrill of the adventure and being stretched and challenged. I have also enjoyed trying different hospitals (albeit, two . . . ) and seeing how each has evolved from before healthcare regulations or standardization to modern healthcare institutions independently--each developed separately to become essentially the same, while maintaining remnants of their own process of evolution (very interesting to see).

6. Life should be and can be an adventure! I don't think we should necessarily pursue every little desire of our hearts, especially at the expense of others or our relationships, but, I do believe God lays passions on our hearts, and, if pursued appropriately and responsibly, will be used for His good purpose. I believe our lives can be thrilling--maybe not every single moment will knock our socks off, but, "thrill" exists for a reason! Have some!

7. We are all different but we are all the same.

8. "Parking garages" are "parking structures" . . .

9. Recycle or get flogged!

10. I get called a "traveler" at work. When I float to another unit that's short, to help them out, I am designated a "traveler" as well as in regular conversation at work--I am a "traveler." This just really means I'm not permanent staff but reminds me, I'm viewed as "passing through." I know California is not a foreign country or land, but, compared to Texas, it is somewhat different. I think it's a good thing to be a true outsider, foreigner or sojourner at some point. I have been dependent upon the hospitality and kindness of absolute strangers. Being a "foreigner," of sorts, has forced me to have to trust strangers and to look to them for help and friendship. Some have been very warm and welcoming while others have not. It's been good to have to rely on people and things other than my probably overly independent, "self-sufficient" self, which has made proud me have to be more humble than I naturally would choose! That's probably a good thing. (I know people say "if you say you're humble, you're not humble." I'm not referring to the internal personality characteristic of humility but the application of humility from an external situation or circumstance--being a humble person v. being humbled. Ok, end of sidenote!)

Pictures from the last week!

I know . . . more of the shoreline. Sorry! It's what I do when I get bored!

Rain for 2 and a half weeks produces this.

I hope you all are blessed and healthy and warm and dry! Feel free to shoot me an email if you are bored! I would love to hear how you are doing! : )

Back to work!

2010-01-23T19:31:00.000-08:00

I hope this finds everyone doing well! These past two weeks have been me getting used to the new units and being oriented to them. I know I may have said it a few times, but, I am working the Ambulatory (which basically means "outpatient") Treatment Infusion Center and it's sister unit, the 23 hour observation surgical floor at Stanford. The pace is very different from an inpatient oncology floor and presents unique challenges. Each hospital, each unit, each specialty is challenging in different ways. It can be refreshing but can also make you feel incompetent until you learn the system and flow of care. I have enjoyed my coworkers very much so far! They are very positive, encouraging and helpful. I think I will enjoy the units and the patients, although I am missing oncology. It feels great to be back to work and I was reminded this week of how much I really love nursing. It can be a really fun and neat job!

We have had an interesting week, weather-wise! It's been raining for a week, combined with snow on the mountain tops, and even a few tornado warnings and funnels! The cliffs at Pacifica (about 25 miles NW of here) are falling into the sea from the rain and surf pounding on them, threatening some cliff-top apartments. No flooding in the towns here, that I've heard, but many rainy commutes! The rain is nice, but, I have discovered about 3 days is my limit! We are on day 8. The sun has been playing peak-a-boo some. I almost drove under a full rainbow today, framing the Diablo Mountains, topped with snow, covered in lush, green grass and trees. Although we are all a little bummed and blue from the rain (all my inn-mates and I are laughing about how pouty the rain makes us), the hills are so beautiful! I've never seen such a rich green! My drive home from work is on the foothills of the coastal range (Santa Cruz mtns) and the views definitely make up for a long day at work!

There is no other news this week, so I'll leave you with some of my favorite pictures from the drive home from LA when I went to visit Derrick (my brother) for an evening! The drive back (with stops) took about 11 hours but it was worth every second! I highly recommend making the drive within your lifetime at some point! If you need a good reason, come visit me and we can do it! : )

Enjoy and God bless!

Hundreds of elephant seals hauled out (resting) on a beach,

here for mating/birthing season. The males (the big guy there)

are up to 1,500 lbs!

Do you see the road way up there?

Life at the Inn

2010-01-16T13:53:00.000-08:00

This has been such a fun and interesting experience so far--travel nursing that is. I will say, when I pull out some clothes I haven't worn in a while and they smell like Extended Stay America, I do dry heave a little bit. Three months in hotels was plenty, thank you. And, Sacramento was a little lonely for the first three weeks, until my friends in the Bay would encourage me to meet them halfway or come hang out with them and their friends from home any time some were coming to the area and I finally felt like I had friends at work. So, that helped take care of much of the loneliness and lack of social life in Sacramento. On the positive side of things, I am blown away by all of the awe-inspiring and breathtaking sights there are to see here all within such close proximity. I haven't gotten bored yet in the Bay--there's always somewhere we can go, something we can explore, something new and exciting to experience and that will take our breath away and fill us with child-like wonder. It seems the interesting experiences will never cease. The people in the area are very different from home and even from one another here. It's extremely diverse; it's always interesting. (I hope the diversity doesn't become monotonous.)

A new, interesting experience, in the two weeks I've been here, is living at my bed and breakfast inn. It is owned by a middle-aged couple. Theresa, my inn-keeper, grew up in London and spent her summers in Ireland. Her husband is from Arizona, I think. They restored this Victorian home and opened the inn in 1986. Built in 1890, the house has six rooms: four on the first floor; two larger rooms in the basement (which is really the ground floor); we have a parlor and a sitting room adjacent with a fireplace. There is a small dining area and a kitchen on the ground floor. Theresa has decorated the home with antique furniture and it has a rustic Old West feel in some areas and an English cottage feel in others. We have a nice pool and jacuzzi in the backyard, with a lovely patio and BBQ firepit. And (this may be the best part), Theresa bakes chocolate chip cookies and leaves the little bits of delight on the table just outside my door for the guests to eat!!!

Thursday nights, Theresa and Ralph (her husband) cook us wonderful dinners and we sit around the firepit, sharing dinner, wine, our stories and getting to know one another. Dinner was delicious this week: scallops wrapped in bacon with salad and asparagas (yes, mom, I liked it all!) and another rice, onion and cheese dish that I can't remember the name of. We also enjoyed a nice dinner in the sitting room on Tuesday, around a robust, crackling fire, having great conversation. We are now all studying wine since we have a budding sommelier in our midst! I'm afraid I'm not a very good student and doubt I will remember the technicalities, but, it's a very fun topic and everybody enjoys discussing it (much more complex than I realized). : )

Currently, five of us will be staying as guests for a few months: one very pleasant man who has just started a new job at Yahoo and is in the "in between" making the move up here and selling his house at home; a nice young couple about my age--the young woman a couple years younger than I is studying to be a sommelier (a "wine steward") and her fiance is a small plane pilot looking to establish business in the area.

The neighborhood is interesting. San Jose is an old city, with old beautiful Victorian homes dotting the streets, surrounded by some not-as-old, not-as-well-kept buildings from the years following ('60s, 70's, etc), so it's an interesting contrast that doesn't always seem to flow well. But, the older buildings still maintain their classic Victorian charm, if you can disregard some of the stale "modern" buildings around them.

Some more pics of the place:

The parlor, to the right as you enter the house.

The parlor.

My little room . . .

My desk with my little heater . . .

I feel like I'm in a movie much of the time! These lodging accommodations are indeed old-fashioned and I am sharing a house with five people! But, it's very fun and everybody is very nice/interesting. The scenery in the area is still wonderful, especially when the days are so clear you can see the outline of the branches of the trees on the mountains silhouetted against the blue sky and sunlight. Or when you stand on the edge of a 100 ft cliff and stare off over the Pacific with the waves crashing and roaring below. Or when 30 of you couldn't wrap your arms around a tree 2,000 years old! I don't mean to over-romanticize it, but, I can't help it. I am a romantic. And, I see from His creation, my God is also a romantic.

I hope you are all being romanced as well!

Now, THAT, was an earthquake!

2010-01-07T11:08:00.000-08:00

My last entry about earthquakes was written a couple of days ago and I had still not felt any shaking. This morning around 10:10, I was sitting on my bed, as I still am, facebooking, and my bed started "shaking," but felt more like rolling from side to side, I looked up at my jackets hanging on my door, they were shaking, and my water was shaking. I would say the bed was moving from side-to-side about 6 inches or so, lasted about 10 seconds and I heard a very low rumbling for the duration of the shaking and for several seconds after the shaking stopped. It took me by surprise and I did not have time to think about getting off of the bed to a doorway!

As I was checking the USGS earthquake website here to see if they were showing a new quake, the tv show, "The View" (don't judge me--I have limited channels!), was interrupted with breaking news as they said, "If you think you've just felt an earthquake, you have! We just had an earthquake about 6.1 miles NE of Milpitas with a magnitude of 4.1." Milpitas is about 10 miles northeast of Santa Clara (my town). No injuries or damage has been reported yet, but, no doubt, people were and are alarmed by the quake. The news folk are saying the quake was on the Calaveras Fault. They are saying on the news we should have around 20 aftershocks in the next 24 hours and that magnitude 4 earthquakes happen "several times a year" in this area. BART officials shutdown the subway to check the rails.

If you're interested, you can see where the quake was (near Fremont) at the above website! It was neat to experience . . . once. Hopefully that will be the full extent of my earthquake experience!

Here's a short news article from the news channel I was watching: http://abclocal.go.com/kgo/story?section=news/local/south_bay&id=7206030

Earthquaaaaaaaake!!!

2010-01-04T15:00:00.000-08:00

No, I haven't felt one yet. : ) I was just getting your attention! I've been reading up on them and have become more interested in them, especially after flying over the region a few times and being able to visualize the ripples in the land the sliding of the tectonic plates causes as well as being able to see faults from the air. There are also many speculations of our sea lions fleeing the docks at Pier 39, of which there were about 1,500 when I visited last, because "the big one" is coming. I became increasingly more interested, so here are the results of my internet research. : )

Quakes are happening all the time around fault-lines, just most are not felt. In fact, there have been several in the Bay Area just in the last week and a few within the last day. You can visit this webpage to see the United States Geological Society's latest mappings of earthquakes in the Bay Area and this webpage to see all in the US and world (this is an excellent website and fun to explore!).

Many of you are probably already more aware of the presence of earthquakes in this area than I am. I was only 6 when the Loma Prieta ("Dark Hill") quake that collapsed the Bay Bridge, the Cypress-Street Viaduct double-decker highway and portions of other highways (hwy 101 and I-280) I drive often. As many of you probably remember, the latest big quake occurred during the World Series between the Oakland A's and San Francisco Giants at Candlestick Park on October 17, 1989. The first few seconds of the quake were captured live on international television, with no substantial damage to the stadium or injuries resulting. Fans cheered the end of the 15 seconds of shaking ground and rippling wind-screen when it was over, not knowing the extent of the devastation they would encounter as they emerged from the stadium. The epicenter was 30 miles south of where I am currently living, near Loma Prieta peak. The damage extended from San Francisco and Oakland down to Santa Clara (my new home) and further south to Santa Cruz (on the coast). The quake resulted in 63 fatalities, 42 from the collapse of the Cypress-Street Viaduct double-decker highway in Oakland, and 3,757 injuries, of which only about 700 were serious. As a result, the double-decker highway was demolished and is now a single level highway and other highways were improved structurally to better withstand quakes in the future.

There are 8 fault-lines around the Bay Area: the San Andreas, responsible for the Loma Prieta and 1906 quakes, is filled with lakes and a reservoir which you can see from I-280 and traverses the SF peninsula; the San Gregario, which runs right by/through Half-Moon Bay; the Hayward fault, which runs through Oakland; the Calveras Fault, which stops short of Oakland to the south; the Rodgers Creek Fault, to the northeast of the Bay; the Concord-Green Valley Fault, to the NE of Oakland; the Diablo Thrust Fault, just south of the Concord-Green Valley fault; and the Greenville Fault, to the East of Oakland. With all of these fault-lines, there is a "63% chance for one or more magnitude 6.7 or greater quakes from 2007 to 2036" (www.earthquake.usgs.gov). The Loma Prieta was a 6.9. The earthquake of 1906 was a 7.8, lasting 20-25 seconds, with a slip or movement of about 20 feet horizontally, with the Pacific plate moving northward. The faults credited to having most potential for rupture and ability to cause damage are the San Andreas and the Hayward faults. The San Andreas fault is believed to have a 1906-type quake (with a slip of 20 feet or more) every 200 years. The Hayward fault is thought to produce a large quake (7.0 or greater) every 140 years, so the Hayward fault is thought to be the next source of a potentially devastating quake in the Bay Area.

My friend and I were discussing the quakes and all the disturbance about where our sea lions went when she picked me up from the airport. She said, "and with the next earthquake, isn't the peninsula supposed to fall off into the ocean???" I've been looking it up and couldn't find anything that states so, friend! YAY! The ground beneath Marina District in SF, built on the man-made landfill, is believed to have a very high potential for liquefaction (the soil becoming liquid-like during the quake as a result of the type of soil and materials beneath the surface), however, so maybe we should avoid the Marina District for the next 26 years?!
: )

My conclusions: 1. I miss the sea lions, but, I think they just went on vacation to San Diego and wanted to try their hand at out-swimming the Great Whites! (I think they just found them off the coast of Oregon, according to the BBC's website.) 2. The house I'm staying in was built in 1890 and has survived the 1906 and 1989 quakes, not to mention all the little 6.0's in the meantime, so I figure I'm good, even if it turns out to be haunted! 3. I live on the East side of the San Andreas fault and Coastal mountains, so the rest of yous on the west-side, good luck if/when the coast falls into the ocean (and I'll just throw in, if a tsunami comes from a quake near Japan--I don't foresee one overtaking the mountains . . . although it may come up from around the peninsula and through the bay . . . that should take some time, though, right? I'm a good swimmer . . . I'm good . . . right?); 3. Quakes only last 20-25 seconds and I like not knowing when they will hit! Much better than hiding in basements or flying around outside in really scary tornadoes!

I hope you are all doing well and weren't too bored by my dweeby post. : ) Pics of the new place coming soon! Be blessed and happy 2010!

Now for the improper citation of my sources:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1989_Loma_Prieta_earthquake (yes, I consider Wiki a scientifically reliable source!!!)

http://earthquake.usgs.gov/regional/nca/ucerf/ (this is a very neat website and will probably answer any question you have about quakes)

http://earthquake.usgs.gov/regional/nca/1906/18april/othereqs.php

http://seismo.berkeley.edu/outreach/faq.html (good faq sheet about quakes)

Go, Cardinal!

2009-12-19T08:09:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas Week everyone!

I have been in Mountain View for the past week (already?!), waiting to see where I needed to be and when. I needed to stay just in case I started orientation last week or the beginning of this week. I was offered another travel position at Stanford ( !!!! ) to work on their surgical ambulatory care unit and ambulatory transfusion and infusion center! I'm very excited for several reasons: 1. I love this area and still have so many things left to see/do. 2. I love the girls I met my first week at Stanford in October and we are having so much fun getting to see and do things together. 3. I love working at Stanford. 4. I love the area (did I already mention that?)! It worked out so well! I was taking a gamble by not accepting a poorly paying job in LA (have absolutely no desire to go there) Wednesday night, said I would "think about it," while I waited to hear back on the Stanford job. I got a call from Stanford Thursday, did a phone interview and was offered the job at the end of the interview. I was later told by my recruiter that the LA job was already taken since I didn't take it the night before! I was thrilled on so many levels! All of us have been extended through the spring (except Minnesota, who is working at Yale).

That's the latest! I start the 11th of January, maybe sooner if they can work out the logistics before then so I can get hours.

The Texas Tech (men's) basketball team plays Stanford this year . . . In Lubbock. : (

I hope everybody has a fun Christmas and you're able to have some good times with friends and loved ones!

"So, where are you now?"

2009-12-15T21:12:00.000-08:00

I've been getting questions about what's going on now and people send me questions wondering where I am, my address, etc. Well, more waiting and I'm homeless! I'm currently in Mountain View, California, staying with one of my friends that I met while working at Stanford, who is also a travel nurse. I'm just hanging out here while I wait for word on the next job, just in case I need to be somewhere this week or next for orientation. I will probably wait through Thursday and then make plans to get back home for Christmas if I don't hear anything. I should probably be more stressed than I am, or, maybe not. I am not worried as of yet and am enjoying the time off and the Lord has been very provident so far, so I don't feel the need to worry too much! I do have brief moments of "okay . . . I kinda need a job . . . " but, for the most part, I'm just enjoying getting to hang out with these girls, be in the beautiful bay, and go do fun things (which are FREE!), like hiking, driving the coast to go Christmas shopping (not free, but if you don't find anything, like myself, then it's free!). And, we're just catching up and laughing a lot. I don't have time to stress about not having a job! : )

I hope to know within the next couple of days. There are a few possibilities on the table, but, only word on one, and I will talk more with the liaison about that one tomorrow. We will see! I will be staying in California and have no plans to leave until the spring, maybe later. I'm in no hurry to leave.

This is what has been going on in the meantime:

Old Town in Sacramento--they have preserved Old West

Sacramento. Very neat!

The iconic gold vertical lift bridge

over the Sacramento River.

The jelly belly factory is in Fairfield, Ca, which is about halfway

between Sacramento and San Francisco!

It takes 7 days to make a jelly bean (you've always wondered . . . )!

Our jelly belly hats we had to wear!

Bubba Gump's on the water at Monterey!

Our hike in the East Bay at Fremont. We will be sore tomorrow!

We were even with the houses at the beginning of the hike!

I'll let you know when I get my assignment and where I'll be. Love to all!

So long, Sac!

2009-12-08T02:37:00.000-08:00

Wow . . . where does the time go? As soon as I get used to a place and begin to enjoy it, it's time to move on and start over! I was very reluctant to begin work in Sacramento because it wasn't "the Bay" and my friends were still in the Bay and I'm here. As it turns out, we've been able to get together a few times and have had a wonderful time (because we all miss each other, so we really make the best of it) each time we get together. So, getting together with them has made this assignment much better than I feared it might be. The people I work with have all been so much fun and so helpful.

Sacramento has been very hard in a different way, though. As you may have read in my previous posts, there is a very high population of homeless here and this hospital sees many. It has been a very difficult reality check and has reminded me of how broken the world is. I have wanted to scream because of the injustice (and not by the hospital, by any means, but, general, inherent injustices in the world). And, I have also felt and seen how little, in the big scheme of things, my effort and good intentions and benevolence really make a difference. I know what you may be thinking. We are always called to good works and they are the fruit of a changed heart in Christ. What I mean is we are absolutely hopeless for the world to really change, to really be made right, to really be healed forever and indefinitely, infinitely, and wholly without Christ. We are powerless in our best human form. I have had experiences where I have tried to comfort and console a confused or patient with psychological issues and my greatest of well-intentioned efforts failed. It didn't matter how much I loved, or cared, or tried . . . I, in my best nature, could not console or even communicate with some of them. The monsters in their heads kept them from receiving any kind of comfort, help, or consolation. The same goes for treating cancer much of the time. We use all of our human powers to make new medicines, develop new treatment regiments, to zap, cut, burn, oblate every cancer cell we can. And would you know, our best-intended treatments may be the end of cancer-eaten patient. We may pound on a chest, inject meds to jumpstart the heart, shock a person, and we are often powerless.

The lesson re-learned, reiterated here in Sacramento for me has been that the world is not what it should be and what we all know it should be. And I saw that my best of intentions and best of works and best of efforts, although necessary now and still beneficial, they are not the ultimate answer "saving the world." I would say that I have known this intellectually for years, but actually realizing it and seeing it, knowing I tried as hard as I could, did everything I could, and still fell short of comforting, consoling, helping, was a good lesson. It is a hard but essential lesson. I will say, here, I have never been more ready to see Jesus come back, reconcile the world and right all the wrong.

Sorry, folks! This is not where I intended this blog entry to go! It just happened as I reflected over Sacramento and my time here. I'm not sure where I will be going next. I have a few possibilities and will hopefully know within this week. I would love to go to the bay again and I would really love a 3 month assignment instead of a 1.5 month one!!! Saying goodbye is killing me!

If you have any suggestions or questions for blog entries, let me know. I'm afraid this is "all about me" . . . I want it to be a way to keep in touch, not my address to my captive audience! So, tell me if you have suggestions! : )

A couple of my friends and I went to San Fran for a cheesy Christmas Day in the City and did cheesy Christmas things. It was a ton of fun and here are some pics!

Union Square

So, I'm a sucker for the over-commercialism.

The ice-skating rink! We even had cold weather

to make it feel authentically wintry! (and nobody

fell! Big deal!)

Last, but not least, a lovely dinner atop Macy's

at the Cheesecake Factory! Great end

to a great day!

Peace on Earth!

The glorious life of a "traveler" . . .

2009-12-02T01:54:00.000-08:00

My friend, Angela, asked me to post pictures of where I live a while ago. These are my extravagant accommodations! They are "free" to me and I don't spend much time here. I am only here for another 2 weeks or so and I have done much better about keeping this place tidier!

I brought the quilt coverlet for when I have to provide

my bedding. Decided to use it in the hotel too!

: ) I do miss having a house to make more of a "home" and having a place to have people over. But, for the time being, this keeps me warm and dry. I look forward to a 3-month assignment so I can have a one bedroom apartment (some day)!

Thankful

2009-11-26T13:42:00.000-08:00

The reality of the world seems to hit more at times than others. There are times it seems we see things a little more clearly and we aren't as oblivious to the state of the world or situations others are in.

Working in bigger cities has opened my eyes as you would expect. I have been very overwhelmed by the number of homeless here in the 2 cities I've worked in so far. In Sacramento, I work in a hospital close to downtown, so it's expected that we see more of the homeless population. The complications of H1N1 and colder weather seem to be driving more into the hospitals. Not to mention, the struggling economy causing facilities to be closed and funding to be cut for programs. Which programs are cut? Those that care for the mentally ill and keep them off the streets. Further aggravating the problem of funding is of course these people are unable to pay and have no insurance, meaning the hospital "eats" the costs (which I have no personal issues with, since we are here to care for those who need care, however, many hospitals are in the red and having to make cut backs, which causes snowballing issues for everybody. I'm interested to see how reform will affect our current struggles).

I have cared for many homeless people here. Many of whom have psychological illnesses and some who have just had "bad luck." I have discharged several to "home," which happens to be the streets. It is so conflicting to discharge them to nowhere, with no next meal guaranteed. I discharged one before dinner and, after the fact, realized I should have waited an hour so he could eat one more full meal. I then went back to my hotel (which I often complain about) and slept in a warm, dry bed, while he slept on the cold, wet streets. One young woman who had been through enough to cripple anyone started crying when we were unable to find her backpack that contained everything she had in the world in the rush of trying to get her moved so we could admit someone new as our ER was being overran. Another man told me, "I'll be alright. I've got my pack there and my sleeping bag . . . "

So, I am humbled in the presence of these people. Why them and not myself? I am no more worthy of a home, a warm bed, a healthy mind, or the warm meals I never fail to have. I was just the one that wasn't born into their particular situation at that particular time. I am so frivolous so often with what I am given. May I never forget it is by no merit or worth of my own. And may I remain humble and always thankful.

God have mercy on the homeless.

Exploring Sac Town

2009-11-23T23:51:00.000-08:00

This is the Blessed Sacrament Cathedral in downtown

Same cathedral . . . different angle. Sorry for the repetition! : )

I haven't see the Governator anywhere . . . I think he and his wife

have been too busy parking in red-zones.

"The City of Trees" means lots of leaves!

This is the Great American River (I think) and is the river

my bike trail follows! Very nice.

Another view from the trail.

Part of the trail.

I saw 10 of these little guys! Very nice.

Happy Thanksgiving, all!

Sacramento's on Fire!

2009-11-16T14:04:00.000-08:00

So, I'm in Sacramento and have been working on the floor for a week. I still haven't figured out how to juggle a life with 8 hour work days . . . I know, everybody else in the world does it, but, I have never had to work 8 hour days. I have worked 12 hour shifts for either 2 or 3 days in a row, would have a couple or three off in a row, and then do it again. I wouldn't have much of a life at all while I worked the twelves, but then would have a nice chunk of time to relax, take trips, or socialize. I'm still trying to learn how to balance all that throughout the week. I will say, I don't think it's as tiring to spread the work hours out a bit and working more of a day schedule is probably helping that as well. If any of you have any insight as to how to manage a well-balanced life working 8 hour days, feel free to email me! : )

I haven't figured it out yet. . . But Sacramento always smells like Sunray did during the fall when they were burning corn stubble in the fields and sometimes the sky is just as brown! I haven't heard anything on the news about wildfires anywhere, but there must be some somewhere. Very strange. And the sun never really seems to fully shine here. I don't think we're that much further north than the panhandle of Texas, either. The latitude of Sacramento is 38.70 N and the latitude of Lubbock (not really the panhandle) is 33.58 N. So 5.12 degrees further North and for some reason, the sunlight always seems like it's either early morning or late evening, even when the sun is as high as it gets! Is it smog? I know it's fall now, but really, should it make that much of a difference? I'm really baffled. I miss the sun!

Another baffling thing about California: many nurses wear fanny packs . . . yep. I have never needed a fanny pack full of 3 different pairs of scissors, 2 sets of hemostats (surgical clamps we use as pliers or grippers), 2 rolls of tape, and 8 pens. Call me crazy. If my already stuffed pockets don't have what I usually need, I walk out of the room and go get it. I'm a little behind the times!

Okay, so back to Sacramento: I haven't really figured out much about the city other than it smells like fire. I have found the rough part of town (I think I'm living in it, judging by the smell of maybe something like "wacky tebacky" around 2 am every night--I've put in a request to move and should be this week)! I have driven through Old Town, which looks like it might be a neat place to visit at least a couple of times. I work down the street from the capitol, which is nice. Sac has many trees (it is known as "the city of trees.") which are turning, so that is a nice sight. The weather is very pleasant and we usually have a high of 60-65 degrees.

The hospital is nice and reminds me very much of where I did my schooling at the big Covenant. The layout of the floor is very similar, so it feels somewhat like home in that way. Everybody I've worked with is very nice and welcoming.

So, on the to do list is to find interesting things to do, maybe somewhere to do some volunteer work, and make some local friends!

Sorry no pictures. I'll take some good ones this week and post them! Hope you are all doing well and feeling especially blessed!

Bye, Bye Bay! Hello Sac!

2009-11-08T17:09:00.000-08:00

On the way to Sacramento, I decided to spend the afternoon in San Fran, being a typical tourist, again. : ) One of my friends from home bought me a City Pass, which has tickets to various touristy type things to do. The other day, a friend of mine and I went to the De Young Museum of Art. Today, I decided to do the boat bay tour, the aquarium, and ride the "famous" Hyde St and Powell cable car uptown. It has been a fun day with beautiful weather, so it's been a good way to exit the Bay area!

(you can click on these pics for better resolution and a larger view. I recommend it!)

The view from the top of the De Young Tower.

Down by the pier

I know . . . I've posted tons of Golden Gate Bridge pictures.

But, not one from this angle!

You can't really tell, but it's slowly moving down the glass . . . yeah, I know . . . I can hear my friends making fun of me now . . . : )

I start orientation on my floor in Sacramento tomorrow morning. I am looking forward to a day schedule. I'm looking forward to a little less humidity (for vanity's sake for my hair . . . I know . . . ). I'm looking forward to more free time on my work days. I'm looking forward to maybe a little less bird poo on my car (not sure that will happen since Sacramento's the "city of trees" . . . ). There are many things I will miss about this area, though. I won't list them so I don't dwell. : ) I would love to come back to the Bay Area.

Ok, time to head to Sac and to make sure my car wasn't towed nor my bike stolen! Hope all is well where you are!

Sacramento!

2009-10-31T01:08:00.000-07:00

Week 3 ends and week 4 begins here at Stanford! My other travel nurse friends and I were talking earlier tonight about how quickly this month has flown by and how sad we are it's almost over! It means Minnesota moves to Connecticut to work at YALE ( ! ) and I move to Sacramento for my next assignment. We are so sad to see Minnesota leave, but we are also so happy she gets to go work at Yale. What a story--from one coast to the other! We're sad to split up, but we already have plans for visits.

So, I finish my job here at Stanford the night of the 6th. I will begin work at Sutter General in Sacramento on Thursday the 5th for the hospital-wide orientation day. It's a 6 week assignment with a "probable extension" from what the lady at the hospital told me. I will be working on the oncology unit there and working 5 x 8 hours a week, the evening shift, 3p to 11p. I've never worked 8 hour shifts and think it will be bittersweet. I will have more of a life the days I'm working instead of eat, sleep, eat, work, shower, eat, sleep, eat, work, shower, etc. I will be able to squeeze in a workout on workdays and who knows what else! But, I won't have as many days off or as many opportunities to take trips either back here or home. It's only a 6 week assignment and if I don't like it, 6 weeks will go pretty quickly.

Sacramento is about 2 hours NE of Mountain View (the city I'm in now) and about an hour NE of San Fran. It won't be a big deal to head back to SF to hang out with the girls here, so that's nice. I'm very excited to have a job so quickly, to not have a lull in paycheck, and to still be in the area! It's great! I'm not sure what I think of going to Sacramento, though. : ) I'm sure it will have a very different atmosphere than the young, vibrant personality here. It'll be nice to explore the area up there and probably check out Napa Valley. I have 6 weeks to write about Sacramento, so that'll do for now!

Hope all is well where you are and you're not freezing there in LBK! Oh, and those of you going to the Chili Cookoff . . . please eat some for me, ok? Ok!

One Breezy Bay . . .

2009-10-24T01:54:00.000-07:00

A Bostonian and Texan took to the streets of San Francisco, driving past the Victorian homes, apartments and businesses perched atop many a steep hill to conquer: 1. Lombard street; 2. Cycling across the Golden Gate Bridge; 3. The Ghirardelli Chocolate Factory!

1. Lombard Street

I apologize, but my camera died before we got to a shop so I could buy some more $1.50/ea AA batteries, so I have no pictures of the 1000 block of Lombard Street! Click here for the Wiki article about the street and some good pictures. I have to say, driving the STEEP ( ! ) hills of San Fran is really a thrill the first time! The grades are crazy steep. Lombard St has a grade of 27% straight shot down. The 8 switchbacks now give it a 17% grade which still feels extremely steep as you look down over the city and bay as you drive it! This street is known as the "crookedest street in the world." The streets of SF offer incredible views of the city and it's really breathtaking to see the beautiful city from atop the hills and then gaze over the beautiful blue waters of the bay surrounding the city.

2. The Golden Gate Bridge

We packed our bikes up in/on my car, made the hour-long drive into the city, found FREE parking, as close as you can get to the bridge, and then did our best to climb the hills from the bay up to the Golden Gate Bridge (we were at 0 feet and the Golden Gate Bridge stands 220 ft above the sea . . . how a 220 ft climb can feel like 1,000, I'm not sure, but we definitely felt a good burn!). We couldn't have asked for better weather to do the GGB and were fortunate enough to have a fog-free experience and got some amazing views of the Bay. GGB facts: construction started in 1933 and was completed in 1937; project cost was $35 million and provided thousands of jobs; 11 people died in accidents while working on construction; more than 1,000 people have committed suicide by jumping off (there are signs on the bridge with numbers to suicide hotlines).

The art deco towers stand 746 feet tall,

which is 191 feet taller than the Washington Monument.

Kelly and I, looking super-cool and super-hot

in our cycling gear!

The view toward Angel Island.

The large cables suspending the bridge house

27,572 wires and are 3 feet in diameter.
These pictures do not do the Bridge and Bay justice!

It's breathtaking!

3. The Ghirardelli Chocolate Factory

My Bawstonian friend and I decided we would reward all of our hard work and cycling about 3 miles at a very strenuous pace of 6.4 mph with $8 sundaes at the Ghirardelli Chocolate Factory soda shop! : ) Good end to a day in the city!

This picture is not from today, but, if you look carefully, you can see the Ghirardelli sign, which is the factory. : )

I haven't forgotten I have a job here as well, even if it is very easy to forget! I have had 2 shifts on the floor and have 2 more this weekend. Everybody is very friendly, but being new to a floor, new to the systems/protocols/policies, is an adjustment. I'm thankful they are very stringent on their nurse-to-patient ratios! Everybody has been very friendly so far. I haven't decided how I like the e-charting software. Ask me in 2 weeks, when I leave! :) Hope you are all doing well!!!

New Places, Small Spaces, and New Faces

2009-10-18T23:25:00.000-07:00

So, week 1 in Cali has come to a close and what an amazing week it has been! I have only been in "orientation," which means we've been listening to people talk about policy, procedure, the computer programs we'll be using, we've been oriented to their pumps and IV start kits, etc . . . My first shift on the floor is tomorrow evening. I am nervous about the e-charting and I am nervous about how relationships will go with those I will be working on the floor with (agency nurses, like myself, are the bottom of the totem pole, and can be "dumped" on . . . so, we'll see! Everybody's been very hospitable and welcoming so far, though.).

Stanford: It's a beautiful and large campus! 8,180 acres v. Texas Tech's 1,839 acres. Stanford is the second-largest contiguous university campus in the world; Texas Tech is the second-largest contiguous university campus in the US. I haven't yet explored the campus itself very much, but, from what I've seen so far, it's very nice. The GPS and MRI were invented at Stanford. The technique of creating recombinant DNA was discovered at Stanford. And, my Grandma is probably proud to know that Tiger Woods went to Stanford.

Palm Drive

People relaxing on a Sunday afternoon at Stanford

(frisbee, football, sitting, reading, walking)

The hospital itself is very large as well and is a "Magnet" hospital (click "Magnet" for more info). I will be working on the Oncology unit. I've always wondered about the differences/similarities between institutions, so for my nursing friends, I'll list some. Some of the differences between my old hospital and the new one include ELECTRONIC charting ( ! ) in the new v. hand-charting in the old, COWs ("computer on wheels") in the new, med scanning (new), insulin pens (new) instead of drawing each injection up, and, using the same IV pumps as the PCA pumps at my old hospital, just with added "channels" on them. Some similarities: our old angiocaths--needles for IV starting-- (I'm very excited about this! I liked the old ones better and they don't bleed as bad, so good news for my patients!); the PCA pumps; hourly rounding and AIDET (but nowhere to chart the hourly rounds!).

I have been so fortunate to meet other young women in very similar situations as I, in the same stage of life, and who have made the cross-country trip to Cali to work here. They are so much fun, so friendly and such blessings! It has been a relief to have somebody to laugh with about the crazy and unique experiences we have had driving across the country, shelling out tons of cash to get started, the "misinformation" incidences, learning Cali together, etc. We have laughed a ton and I think we were all "friend hungry," so we really hit it off. There are two from Boston, who both drove the entire way, one drove down the long way through New Orleans, Austin, etc. We have another from Illinois and another from Minnesota. We have enjoyed checking out the sights together such as downtown of our hometown, we drove to the coast for a nice dinner by the water and dipped our toes in the ice-cold Pacific (a couple of us for the first time), and hiked the Redwood forest together . . . They're great women! Three of them will stay for full 3-month assignments, while "Minnesota" and I will move on in a few weeks. : ( Good times!

California: The first things I thought were "Wow . . . it's so dry!" and, "Does that brown cloud EVER go away?" (The answer is no, btw.) I have made many wrong turns, hit the curb probably a hundred times (not used to small parking spaces), need to work on my parallel parking (not as good as I used to think I was!), feel like I am doing well to make myself go broke (EVERYTHING is so much more expensive out here), hope I don't have lots of red light tickets coming in the mail (LBK has not been good for me in that respect), and, am not used to all the pedestrians who don't mind just stepping out in front of you at any moment. The area is absolutely beautiful (what gets better than an awesome city, mountains, the coast, the golden gate, the bay, forests, the valley, and vineyards?). I have been shown around the city by a native and was able to meet an old TTU buddy and his friends in the city for the game yesterday, which helped make the week awesome!

All in all, it's been an amazing experience so far. I'm looking forward to actually nursing and being a contributing member of society again. : )

Hope you are all doing well and are blessed! Enjoy the cooler fall weather!

(More pics of the trip to the Redwoods here)

Redwoods, Highway 1, and Santa Cruz

2009-10-11T20:29:00.000-07:00

You guys told me to post lots of pictures. So, here are some from my first Sunday afternoon here. It was a good way to spend a day until I have friends! (I can't keep doing things like this alone, or I'll never make friends, but, in the mean-time, it was a good pastime. : )

There were dozens of people cycling up this mountain range!

Highway 1. Tons of brave souls cycling this road as well.

Stop number 1: Pigeon Point Lighthouse

She's out of commission because she's about to fall down.

But good news:

They tell you what to do if a tsunami's after you!

I read in the "fog house" that California has one of the foggiest

coasts in the world. Hmm.

The shore at Santa Cruz.

What an amazing day! I wish you were here to enjoy it with me!

Happy fall, everybody!

How many the miles?

2009-10-10T21:08:00.000-07:00

Maxed out.

Nothing like getting some exercise, in the cold, after 6 hours in the car

with about 8 more to go! Really, it was amazing!

See the rainbow in the canyon?

You may or may not be able to see the

the other end of the rainbow.

We drove a couple of extra hours

so we could do this . . . Was it worth it, Mom? : )

3 days (29 hours of drive time); Stanley Marsh's Cadillac Ranch; a saloon in Dad's hometown; a fighter jet practicing barrel rolls, loops, and turns; the Painted Desert; a visit with my aunt, uncle and cousins on the road; the Grand Canyon; a hard brake to avoid a pack of coyotes; "customs" (?) at the CA state line; the Mojave Desert; the glow of LA; the smell of wildfires; vineyards; olive groves; Napa Valley; the Golden Gate Bridge; San Francisco; and, finally, "home," which is my extended stay hotel efficiency unit.

1,694 miles. : )

Our route

"Lubbock or Leave It?" But I Lubbock!

2009-10-03T22:04:00.000-07:00

So, I'm officially no longer a Lubbockite and am currently a Sunrayan for 2 more days! (I just realized, I'm thankful I have no stalkers, because they would know where to find me . . . ! ) Mom and I head out on Tuesday and will take three days to get out to Cali. We'll stop on the way and see some family, see if we can make our voices echo in the Grand Canyon, maybe drive through Vegas, then up to Sacramento to complete some paperwork, then down through Oakland, San Fran, and to my temporary "home," near Stanford.

Moving was as fun as you can expect it to be! My dear, sweet mother helped me finish up the last of the packing and clean. I rented a 10 x 15' storage unit and I'm pretty sure I will have to have whoever opens it sign a waiver stating I will not be held responsible if an avalanche of Sabra's furniture and stuff buries them. I'm not exaggerating! Mom and I had to make a trip back to the unit and we couldn't get the door to open because stuff was pushing up against it from the inside. Beware, if I ask you to open it and I'm sorry if you are injured (but you signed the waiver!).

The picture above is from my last night in LBK. I asked friends out to dinner and was so overwhelmed with the turnout. These people have been a huge support throughout my time in Lubbock and are like family. I cannot express how wonderful it's been to share this time with them and how blessed I am by their friendship. Thank you, everybody, for your encouragement, love, support, the laughs, the rebuke, the growth. I love you all and will always remember how you've blessed me!

Here are some more pictures from that night, if you're interested (If the link works. I'm wondering if you have to be signed into facebook to view it, since it's technically not my album and I'm linking you to somebody else's page).

People keep asking me if I'm more nervous or more excited. Currently, I'm more excited and ready to be on the way and no longer in limbo. I'm ready to know what my new life of traveling and working at different places will be like. I'm ready to explore the places I will go. I'm ready to GET MY LOANS PAID OFF!!! : ) I know it might be the most difficult thing I've ever had to do. I know I might be very lonely for a while, but, I intend and hope to plug into a church, get involved, and I will have to force myself to make friends and live a little more outside of my shell than I'm accustomed to. I keep trying to remind myself of the experience, in life in general and professionally, that will be gained through this. I keep trying to remember all of the neat things I will get to see and do. I keep reminding myself home is only a plane-ride (or two : ) away. I am excited. I get somewhat nervous at times, but I'm excited. I also think any homesickness I feel will probably be felt either immediately after my mom leaves and/or a month or two down the road. But, "just a plane-ride . . ." right? : ) I will just have to find some cycling/camping/skiing/hiking/football buddies and I'll be set! : ) Maybe I'll make a Stanford game or two (they just beat UCLA today and are 3-0 in conference play!).

I've also been asked, "how will you find a husband if you're moving around all the time?" and "what if you marry somebody out there? Will you stay there?" To that, I have no comment, except to say, I'm sure there will be plenty of people, patients and their family members there as well who will try to set me up! : ) You can help me by praying they will only be very nice men, without scary secrets or weird hobbies, preferably around my age, with whom I am set up! Thank you.

In all seriousness, I am feeling many emotions simultaneously, but the prevailing emotions are excitement and exhilaration. I don't know fully what to expect. I'm sure some of the fun and adventure would be robbed of it if I did. I am excited about the challenges and to see how it all plays out. I'm sure there will be much praying, maybe some crying, hopefully a lot of laughs, and many lessons learned.

I had to put a picture of Rachel up. She was my "coach," or mentor, during nursing school and we worked together (in a way) for 2 years. She taught me how to be a nurse! And I love her and will miss her!

"Faith My Eyes" by Caedmon's Call

As I survey the ground for ants
Looking for a place to sit and read
I'm reminded of the streets of my hometown
How they're much like this concrete that's warm beneath my feet

And how I'm all wrapped up in my mother's face
With a touch of my father just up around the eyes
And the sound of my brother's laugh
But more wrapped up in what binds our ever distant lives

But if I must go
Things I trust will be better off without me
But I don't want to know
Life is better off a mystery

So keep'em coming these lines on the road
And keep me responsible be it a light or heavy load
And keep me guessing with these blessings in disguise
And I'll walk with grace my feet and faith my eyes

Hometown weather is on TV
I imagine the lives of the people living there
And I'm curious if they imagine me
Cause they just wanna leave; I wish that I could stay

And to visit places from my past
But only for an hour or so
Which is long enough to smell the air
To tell the tale and find the door

But I get turned around
I mistake some happiness for blessing
But I'm blessed as the poor
Still I judge success by how I'm dressing

So I'll sing a song of my hometown
I'll breathe the air and walk the streets
Maybe find a place to sit and read
And the ants are welcome company

So keep'em coming these lines on the road
And keep me responsible be it a light or heavy load
And keep me guessing with these blessings in disguise
And I'll walk with grace my feet and faith my eyes

And I'll walk with grace my feet and faith my eyes.
And I'll walk with grace my feet and faith my eyes.

Five Facts of Packing

2009-09-28T22:57:00.000-07:00

1. Space Bags are an amazing technological feat and have forever changed my life! It took me a bit to recover from my astonishment, amazement, excitement and joy after placing the magic plastic around various items and sucking the air out of them with the vacuum and watching them shrink to 1/4 of their original size! Somebody needs to invent something that will shrink my tv, pots, pans, etc to 1/4 of their original size too . . .

4 large pillows, 1 full quilt, 1 full blanket, 2 sets of sheets,

4 full-sized towels, 3 hand towels, 3 washcloths, 10 shirts, 4 pairs of workout shorts,

a fleece and 1 pair of hiking pants compared to a Quilted Northern Double Roll
(it was the closest thing I had, ok?!)!

2. You can pack your entire kitchen into two 47 L sterilite containers.

3. Apparently, glass breaks when it hits a tile floor or if you pack things too tightly in your 47 L sterilite kitchen boxes.

4. I have broken 3 dishes.

5. You do not need 5 backpacks and 3 messenger bags. No matter what you think, no matter how many different activities you think you do which "require a different backpack or bag," you will never use them all frequently enough to justify keeping them.

Ok, my packing break is over! I move out of my house on the 30th and will head to Sunray that evening for a few days before heading out west. I'm not sure what I think of the impending drive. Maybe the Grand Canyon will make it worthwhile. : )

You guys are making me so happy when I see who's reading! Thank you for your interest and I hope you are all doing well! Keep in touch!

The San Francisco Story!

2009-09-19T14:54:00.000-07:00

Powell Street, San Francisco

I just realized it's been a while since I posted last! Sorry.

I went to San Francisco Sunday through Wednesday to get my fingerprinting taken care of for my California nursing license. I had to go in person because they have a computerized fingerprinting system I have to use for time's sake in order to be able to start at Stanford the 12th. It was quite the adventure. I got to the hotel and learned I lost my driver's license somewhere between security in Lubbock and my hotel . . . . . . . . . . BIG problem! Very fortunately, one of my friends in LBK was able to get into my house, find my passport and overnight it to me in San Fran. I still had to stay an extra day (how terrible . . . : ).

At Hyde St. Pier

I'm in love with San Francisco! I especially love the WEATHER! I had to stay in the first day because it was raining (and because I had to workout the photo ID issue as well) but the rest of the stay it was beautiful. It was probably anywhere from 60 to 70 degrees, sunny and slightly breezy. The Bay was my favorite place to hang out but I also LOVED Chinatown (which is VERY much like city life in China--I felt like I was truly there!) and had some amazing, authentic Chinese food there. I rode one cable car once on the way back up to my subway station (by this point, my feet were killing me from walking miles up and down hills and along the bay) and it was worth the $5. Speaking of money, I could definitely tell I wasn't in LBK. My cheapest meal was in Chinatown ($5) and the rest were an average of $11 + tip. I did have some amazing pizza and salad on Kearny St (again, worth the $11 for 2 slices).

There are many, many homeless in downtown SF. I've been in cities, but have never encountered so many in one place. I encountered a few I could see had addictions or complications from using/drinking (the obvious tell-tale signs we are taught to recognize). It's very conflicting internally. I felt sympathetic and compassionate for them at the first of the day, but by the end of my stay there found myself very irritated with being approached very often by them, which subsequently led to feelings of guilt for being irritated and for not being homeless myself. I could feel myself falling into the cycle of frustration, disregard, and conflict the homeless and those who walk by them every day I presume fall into: homeless person on the street asks for money, passerby donates a couple bucks --> 20 ft later, homeless person on the street asks for money, passerby doesn't donate money --> current homeless person verbally insults passerby who just donated money 20 ft up the road --> passerby becomes offended and frustrated with homeless --> animosity and frustration results--> homeless person asks for money --> passerby remembers previous homeless's insults and does not donate money --> animosity and frustration results. (Please know I do not condone the response of animosity or frustration. I am simply conveying the reality of what I perceived while I was there.)

I was reminded social injustices are rampant and it's good and important to see them with my own eyes. Hopefully facing them will be an encouragement to love and serve those who face injustices and need help with addiction, hopelessness, helplessness and disabilities, and, hopefully, I will not allow the offense of those frustrated by their helpless dependence upon passersby for their bread and water to keep me from serving them. I also was conflicted about what really meets their needs: Does a couple bucks while only having to face them for 10 seconds really help them? Or programs for recovery? Definitely the fact that life in Jesus can free them from whatever binds and figuratively "cripples" them now is the best we can offer. But, what services can we provide that really meet their physical needs now, so they might see love in action, consistently?

I didn't come up with any solutions of what will provide permanent relief for them, physically, now. Shelters can only care for them for a limited amount of time due to a lack of availability, recovery programs have limited funding, churches and soup kitchens also have limited funding. Our worldly attempts absolutely fail to permanently alleviate the suffering of all homeless left on the streets. There is One Hope that does not fail: that we may have freedom from all of these injustices in Christ. That is all we have to offer with any long-term hope: One day, this suffering will end.

Rev 21:3 And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God.
Rev 21:4 He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away."
Rev 21:5 And he who was seated on the throne said, "Behold, I am making all things new." Also he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true."
Rev 21:6 And he said to me, "It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. To the thirsty I will give from the spring of the water of life without payment. . . "

So, San Francisco was good! Even though I lost my driver's license! And even though I had to spent a couple hundred bucks more to stay another day and fedex my passport. I think I will like California and especially like San Fran!

I have not been to Stanford yet. I didn't venture south of the city while I was there. Mom and I will start driving to California probably during the first week of October and take about 3 days to get out there. I am still packing and tying up loose ends for my licensing and job before I leave. I will be out of my house on the 30th and my nomadic lifestyle will commence!

Proof I was there (Alcatraz in the background)

Hundreds of sea lions resting at Pier 39 and the

Golden Gate Bridge in the background.

Giving it up

2009-09-10T22:28:00.000-07:00

I can never decide if I should post stories from the floor (of course all the while maintaining confidentiality!). They are so heavy, so real, and so heartbreaking sometimes. Often after the question, "So where do you work?" and I respond with "oncology," and they respond with, "I bet that's hard," and I say, "yes, but it's good too," they don't really know what else to say. And a frantic search for a new, comfortable and hopefully more pleasant topic often ensues (on both parts).

However, I feel it would be a disservice to not honor these who fight so hard or who "give it up" so readily and peacefully. Or, is this really honoring them? I don't know. But, they have amazing stories of courage, faith, struggles with truths, their pasts, and wrestling with what's next. So, forgive me for forcing them upon you, but hopefully you will be able to see these fighters as well and maybe catch a blessing or lesson from their fights as well.

There are days this patient or that patient comes to mind and I'm reminded of their circumstances and their fight. Tonight, one particular woman comes to mind. She was in her early 70s, I think, and we had seen her intermittently for about a year. She was a sweet woman, but, I often got the idea she didn't particularly care for me very much (maybe because the first time she had me, I had to wake her up every two hours). Anyhow, I admitted her this time. Of course she was ill, but she seemed ok (now, there's ill, and there's "this is it" ill). I always worked really hard to make her smile, because she seemed so downtrodden and fatigued from her fight. I usually didn't get much of a response from my efforts. But, even though I expected to see her go home, this time, she was different: I didn't have to try very hard to get a smile out of her. I admitted her and had her for a couple of nights before I went for a weekend off.

When I came back, she was not doing well at all. She had severe nausea and vomiting. Of course everybody knows this can be common after chemo, but this was much worse than the usual "severe nausea and vomiting." This night was one of her worst nights. I had pushed every med possible to control it, made several calls to the doctor and nothing was helping. She got sick and she got sick and she got sick some more. I was standing by her bed, placing a washcloth on her forehead and fanning her as she continued to get sick, when she just broke down and began to sob. Now, mind you, we have some patients are aren't as strong as others and don't fight as long or hard as others. But this woman was tough as nails. She was a down-home, West Texas country woman who had physically worked hard her entire life and never complained, though she had plenty of reason to. And this was the moment she said, "enough." I saw the moment she "gave it up" and we both knew that was it.

She passed away a couple of days later.

I don't know why I want to tell a bit of her story or honor her. I'm not sure she would consider my discussing her sobs and moment of surrender an "honor." But, maybe, she would appreciate her story being told so others may know this life is fleeting. Maybe she would appreciate knowing somebody was deeply affected by her courage and strength both to fight as long as she did and to let go. Maybe she would encourage people to reconcile differences, to ask for forgiveness and give it to those who need forgiving, to remember to breathe and enjoy their youth and health, to take time to "smell the roses" and enjoy God's creation or to enjoy relationship with one another and do your best to work at it. I don't know. Take what you will from her story. May you be blessed by it and by her, somehow.

"Where is Stanford?"

2009-09-05T13:13:00.000-07:00

I went to Tulsa this past week to take the ONS (Oncology Nursing Society) chemotherapy and biotherapy course at Cancer Treatment Centers of America. First, let me just say, the Cancer Treatment Center facility was BEAUTIFUL! They have waterfalls and lavish gardens around their facility and palm trees in the corridor (I wonder if they're fake since you shouldn't be around live plants when you're immunocompromised because they can have bacteria or other pathogens that can cause infection on them, but I didn't think to further investigate it. Darn). Anyway, beautiful facility and one of the nurses there told me patients helped design their inpatient hospital rooms! They do not, however, have a stem cell unit at this facility (where they perform stem cell transplants for those with leukemias, myelomas, etc), which I found surprising (ha! Covenant wins that one!). They also do not treat children there.

Anyhow, I completed the course on Thursday. I had been in contact with my recruiter from my traveling agency throughout the week discussing positions and licensing issues. On Thursday, as I drove back to Texas, I received a call from the assistant manager at Stanford:

"Hello?"

"Is Sabra available?"

"This is she."

"Hi, this is (I can't remember his name!), assistant manager at Stanford. I just wanted to contact you and double-check about some information I see on your profile." (I've really got to work on being better about listening to names . . . especially when looking for jobs . . . )

"Okay."

"So you've been giving chemo for two years?"

"Yes."

"Are you ONS Chemo certified?"

"Yes, I just completed it today!"

"And are you familiar with central lines?"

"Very."

"Okay! Do you have any questions for me?"

"Umm, when will I know if you are going to offer me the position?"

"Well, I would think you should hear something from AMM tomorrow."

"Okay, great! Thanks!"

*ring ring*

"Hello?"

"Hi Sabra, this is K___, from AMM!"

"Hi, K___!"

"So, I just submitted your profile to Stanford but I can pull it if you want me to."

"Yeah, the assistant manager just called me, so don't pull it!"

"Oh, really?! So you already interviewed?"

"Umm, I guess so!"

"Oh, ok, great! Well, I'll let you know if I hear anything from them."

"Okay, thanks K___!"

--20 miles down the road--

*ring ring*

"Hello?"

"Hi Sabra, this is K___ from AMM!"

"Hi, K___!"

"So Stanford offered you the job! Congratulations!"

"Oh, great! That's awesome!"

"Yeah, that's an awesome hospital and will be wonderful to have on your resume! That's really awesome!"

-------------------

I seriously almost cried when I received the news! (It's stressful not having a job!) So, I start October 5 at Stanford University Hospital on the oncology floor during nights to cover as they implement a new electronic charting software! It is only for a month, but K___ thinks they might extend my contract. I'm not sure they will if they only need me for a software switch, but I really don't care! I'm going to California, south of San Francisco, to work at one of the best hospitals in the nation! This will be a good resume builder and open the door for many more opportunities anywhere. Not to mention all that I will learn and see at Stanford. I'm very excited!

I have to say, this is certainly God's work and faithfulness. I have been praying for a job, felt like I was being led to the San Francisco area and was very disappointed when the other San Fran opps didn't work out because I felt it was where I was supposed to go. Other opps in the meantime didn't work out either. This has been a time of hard prayer and trying to do my best to remember His goodness and faithfulness while I have been extremely anxious. Also, if you do not know the history of what has led to this decision, many doors were closed for me here in LBK and I felt I would be disobedient and maybe nuts to stay. So, here we go! Let's see what He's doing!

Thank you all for your support and encouragement! I'm still around Lubbock for a little less than a month, so I might still see some of you and maybe not. Love you all!

I've been getting a lot of "So, where is Stanford?" questions. Here it is:

Stanford's Cancer Center

Map of where Stanford is

These Women . . .

2009-09-04T20:36:00.000-07:00

Here in LBK, I've been blessed to work with some amazing women. I have watched them love their patients, love one another, and love their families wholeheartedly. These women have given so much of themselves to their work, which happens to be facing those who are facing death day in and day out. Even if their patients "survive" whatever cancer they have been diagnosed with, these patients face the reality of their mortality, and these women walk through this difficult time with these patients and their families. These nurses, aids and secretaries are with these patients as they learn the news of their diagnoses, comfort the patients as they cope, answer every question imaginable about the patients' diagnoses and possible impending ends of their lives, and, they are an incredible support to the families of those who are coping with cancer and/or death of their loved one. These women face often incomprehensible suffering nearly on a daily basis. It is hard to go back to work after losing one they've cared for for months and became dear friends with, but these women do come back, often with broken hearts, to love the rest and possibly do the same hard thing all over again. These women are blessings to those they care for and their families. We have an award at Covenant called the "sacred heroes" award; all of these women are truly are heroes.

Thank you, ladies, for the going away dinners! You made my last week fun and special! I love you and will miss you all! Thank you for loving your patients as you do. You are an inspiration. Thank you for teaching me how to be a nurse as well! : )

Gail, Lyna, Me, "Lil' Deb"

Sonia

Sam : ) (who helps our patients, and me, breathe better!)

Sharronda, Sarah, Beth, Jeanette, Rebecca (Jeanette's daughter), Bev,

Mayra, Me, Mona, Betty B.

Those I don't have pictures of but have to give honorable mention to ( ! ): RACHEL--this poor nurse was my mentor during my second degree program for a full year! (Bless her heart! I'll miss you, Rachel!); OLGA--she always makes me laugh and laughs with me. I'll miss you Olga! CHRISTINA--I'll miss her "needing supplies," her sarcastic banter, and cheerful face. : )

Thanks for the goodtimes, ladies! You all rock and I'll miss you!

Gal 6.9: And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.

The Definition of a Blog and Hyperventilation

2009-08-29T01:28:00.000-07:00

In an effort to somewhat stay connected with people here in Lubbock and other places, I have jumped on the blogging bandwagon! This should also be a good way to chronicle the great adventure of "travel nursing" on which I hope to embark very soon! I hope to do this for at least a year, maybe up to two or longer. I am currently in the process of saying goodbye to coworkers and friends here, so I thought now is the time to start this up and keep everybody updated.

I have no first assignment . . . I turned in my official "resignation" paperwork today and may have hyperventilated for a couple minutes as I realized I am "jobless." I have no idea how long I will be without my first assignment. My goal is to start my first assignment in the middle of September, but, I am fully prepared to be on "vacation" for up to a month. "They" say it's more difficult to get your first assignment but once you do, "you can pretty much write your ticket to anywhere." I may just have to take whatever I can get for the first assignment. I have to be prepared to go within a week of when I receive word of being offered an assignment.

So, currently, I am trying to figure out what to pack. My apartment will be furnished and provided by the agency. However, there will be no plates, silverware, towels, bedding, etc. Because I don't really know what to pack, I have not done much packing! Do I take only seasonal clothes? If so, I have to go back to storage every season and get my out-of-season clothes . . . Do I take my bike? My backpacking pack? My camping equipment? My ski equipment? So much to think about! I don't like this part of this but I am sure preparing will be much easier with experience.

Although I'm extremely nervous and have moments of hyperventilation when I realize this is actually happening, I am getting very excited and ready to get on the road. I think it will be difficult to be in a new place with a new church, new friends, and new work environment. I realize the places I will be going will be short-staffed, perhaps for a negative reason, and, as a result, I might be in a negative and tense work environment. I am trying to prepare myself. : ) However, this will be an amazing opportunity for growth professionally and personally. I'm excited!

I feel like I should sign this off like a letter. What do you say at the end of a blog entry?!

Bye all and be blessed! Thanks for reading! : ) Love somebody today!