Bebo Norman has a great song with a line that says, "This could be all about just letting go. Or this could be all about just holding on."
Heather pulled out of California today. As Tarah and I waved her on, her little prius with "moo" on the license plate, packed to the top, full of the essentials for living and a few souvenirs from the along the way, and riding a little low, Tarah said, "And the five became three, and the three became two . . . " The five of us who started at the hospital at the same time became three as our Bostonians left about 6 weeks ago, and now, it's just Tarah and I, hangin' at the inn for a couple of more weeks before I move to another neighborhood. We both sighed and shuffled back up the front steps of the inn, heads hanging a little low, to head back to bed.
Last week, Heather and I took our favorite drive down the 1 on the coast, one last time before she heads to Montana for her next assignment. We went into this little local shop in Half Moon Bay so she could buy some wedding gifts for family and friends. Making conversation, the storekeeper asked us what we do and where we're from. As Heather explained we're travel nurses and what that means, the lady said, "Wow! You're gypsies, ladies!" Well, except for the thieving part, I suppose we are. Ok, maybe just the others, because I'm going to stay here for a while, but, I still feel like one--transient and temporary, just passing through.
So, this experience and past year full of transitions and changes has led me ask the question: is life about "letting go" or "holding on"? We let go when we move out of our hometowns and away from our parents for the first time and go to college or begin working. We let go of the grade of a bombed test after studying for hours. We let go of hurtful words or situations. We let go of unhealthy relationships. We let go of things that have expired or spoiled or are just past their time like places, situations, things, people, life stages.
If we don't let go of things when they are past their time, or may be spoiled or toxic to us (like not letting go of a hurt inflicted upon us and refusing to forgive), they can kill us or hold us captive in ways. Not letting go can keep us from living as we are bound and chained by the past, even if it's good things we don't let go of, like precious friends when the time comes. If we don't let go and decide to live in the past, to only live for things already gone, we miss out on the blessings of new friendships in new places or new lessons, because we refuse to let them in when we are so preoccupied by that which is already gone or completed or finished. "Letting go" also allows others to move on in our blessing, looking forward for what is next for them, so they may enjoy it to the full, without the hindrance of a little dark cloud from our lack of blessing them to enjoy it. We should let them go, in our blessing, and let them live in the joy and excitement of the anticipation of the rich experiences of their next adventure.
Later, Moo.
What do we "hold on" to? There are relationships that we hold on to, even over distances and time. Family. Fellowship. We hold on to the new friends we make in new places as we love them and they love us through the "newness" and life in our new places. But, there's one thing I've had to cling to more than anything else, as everything else is transient and transitional: I've been forced to hold on to and run after Faith and Truth. One thing has remained steady and solid--My God, even when, especially when I have not remained steady in my pursuit of Him. But, any time I realize I need to pursue Him and find Truth, comfort, encouragement, hope, He's not far away and is ready and eager to comfort and teach. Sometimes, my friends have to leave or I have to leave in order to be desperate enough to feverishly seek Him and remember all He is and has done for me, the hope I have in His promise that He is always with me. Sometimes, it seems, I have to feel like so much is changing or slipping away, that I have nothing else but Him that is and will always be steady and sure. I think that's something worth holding on to.
I suppose it takes a lifetime of practice to know what to hold on to and what to let go of. Holding on to the right things makes life worth living and purposeful and good. Letting go of the right things does the same and allows us and others to move forward. Maybe it's just practicing adequate balance of letting go and holding on that's the challenge, as well as holding on to and letting go of the right things.
So (on to the "update" part of this blog, rather than reflectionary rantings), now is a time of both "letting go" and "holding on." : ) Heather leaves, Tarah and I remain. I am moving to a little backhouse "cottage" in a nice neighborhood about a 10 minute walk from a friend from Lubbock (she and her husband moved out here a couple of months ago) and I am VERY excited about that (I will be "holding on" to my friendship with Bethany! : ). I start my permanent position at Stanford in the middle of June, and I am excited about that as well. I enjoy the unit I work on (23-hour outpatient surgery and the infusion center for people needing outpatient 30 min to 6 hour infusions) and enjoy the folks I work with. The weather here . . . somebody lied when they said "warm, sunny California!" It's been cool, windy, and we're still having rain, even though the cool and rainy season is "over." I miss the warm evenings and thunderstorms of home! But, there are many things on the to-do list for the spring and summer, like Yosemite!, Tahoe!, San Diego!, umm . . . and lots of other things!
I hope you are all doing well and are blessed!
You keep your heart above your head and your eyes wide open
So this world can't find a way to leave you cold
And know you're not the only ship out on the ocean
Save your strength for things that you can change
Forgive the ones you can't
You gotta let 'em go
Like a sweet sunset in Georgia let it go
And like the fear that grabs ahold ya let it go
Let it go
Let it go
From "Let it Go," by the Zac Brown Band
