One of my inn-mates said about 4 weeks ago, "I'm homesick," very matter-of-factly and then asked, "Do you ever get homesick?" My answer at that time was, "I'm doing pretty well right now. I've been spending a lot of time with my girlfriends, so I haven't really been all that homesick lately."
Everybody knows that "homesick" feeling. I'm sure it's a little different for everybody, but I think we all know that sinking feeling in the gut of isolation or solitude or separation from the ones and things we love.
The past week, I have been homesick. I guess it's inevitable and no big surprise. I think it's hitting me now for a couple of reasons: the first being I haven't been spending as much time with my friends, as we've all been very busy working and our schedules are opposite one another and one will be moving in April, then the others possibly shortly thereafter; the second being it's been about 4 complete months since I've "moved" here; the third being the more serious probability that I will stay here and take a permanent position in the area and continued discussions of the possibility. I've been missing friends and family from home. One of my friends and I were discussing on the phone (one of us on the west coast, the other on the east) that we don't really miss the places of home (although we do somewhat), but the people and the good times, the memories, the being known well. I feel it when I feel engulfed by a sea of millions of faces. I feel the same feeling when I see people hurting or suffering and struggle with why. Maybe it's all a longing for things to be better--for health, justice, community, healthy fellowship, for struggling, breaking, striving and working against the injustices to be finished.
Seeing how the tides of homesickness ebb and flow or the way the good times oscillate with the difficult times in life are always good and is one of those "things that make [me] go hmm . . . " The good times give us relief from the bad and are times of joy for us. The hard times make us appreciate the times life is good. It makes me stop and think about the reality of the state of the world, what blessings I do have in life, and what I want this life to be and mean. Sad times, happy times, times of abundant community and fellowship, times of loneliness and no community, are all good, even if not all enjoyable at the time. I think our responses and posture in different times and situations show us and the world who we are and what the world is to us. How do we grow if not met by challenge? How do we develop if not given the opportunity to make a choice to respond one way or the other?
So, what are we supposed to do when we are "homesick?" I'm not sure . . . I've tried to "be strong and ignore it," but I know that doesn't work. I'm not sure wearing my cowboy boots and listening to country music really helps either, but, I am thankful I have people and memories that have meant so much to me, have moved me so, that my stomach hurts, my eyes tear, and my heart sinks when I think of them. That means I've been blessed to love them and be loved by them. I think we are given homesickness not to ignore it or to dwell in forlorn self-pity in it. But, I do think we should experience it, feel it, appreciate it, and emerge from it hopefully having learned something from it.
"Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning."
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Lessons for a "Traveler" . . .
I hope everyone is doing well when you read this! Hopefully, most of you are staying warm and out of the cold after the blizzard!!! (I'm a little jealous . . . )
So, it has been about four months since I left home and came to California. So much has happened, it seems like a lifetime! My uncle asked me over Christmas, "Is it really as good as the emails [blog] say[s]?" Yes, there are times, like two days ago I am homesick and miss Texas, my friends and all the familiar places and things and I'll wear my cowboy boots around and listen to country music in an attempt to make myself feel a little better. But, then I'll have a fun day at work or with my fun, new, sweet friends or see a beautiful scene and it makes the pangs of that homesick feeling not so sharp. I know I'm an idealist and am probably ignorant of many realities of situations, including my own. But, I cannot help but feel this has been a positive and fun experience, for which I am so thankful for every little bit.
Every so often, I'll think of a little lesson I've learned during these short 4 months, some profound and some not at all. Here's a short list:
1. Cities are smaller than I thought they were. I'm not even really sure what I mean by that. A drive from San Jose to San Francisco takes an hour and you never leave "city," and can take a couple of hours to traverse the Bay Area metro area, like the Dallas metroplex, so, that's really still very big. But, it also does not take me very long to get other places and it doesn't take as long as I thought to become familiar with the main roads, even though I still make wrong turns often. So, it feels smaller here than I expected.
2. This may seem contradictory to number 1, but GPSs are definitely worth the $200 (although they do no eliminate every wrong turn : ).
3. Simple living is the way to go! I only have a car-full of belongings out here, half of which I use consistently and much of which I could still probably donate to Goodwill and live without. I have really enjoyed the simple living traveling has made me accustomed to now. Even though I have half a car-full of things I have for "just in case," it's still about 6 carloads less than what's in storage in Texas . . . which is much easier to manage. Less is more!
4. Travel nursing is a good shopping deterrent! Coinciding with number 3, knowing you have to pack up in your already-near-full-capacity car and move everything you buy after every assignment keeps you from buying junk you don't need! When thinking about buying something, the question "do you really want to pack this?" comes to mind, to which I usually respond, "nope!" and happily place it back on the shelf or rack.
5. It's been worth it so far. I love and miss Texas, Lubbock, McAlisters, The Cracker Barrel, WPC, my family and friends there. But I have enjoyed so much the new friends I have made, the beautiful country, the diversity of the people here, the thrill of the adventure and being stretched and challenged. I have also enjoyed trying different hospitals (albeit, two . . . ) and seeing how each has evolved from before healthcare regulations or standardization to modern healthcare institutions independently--each developed separately to become essentially the same, while maintaining remnants of their own process of evolution (very interesting to see).
6. Life should be and can be an adventure! I don't think we should necessarily pursue every little desire of our hearts, especially at the expense of others or our relationships, but, I do believe God lays passions on our hearts, and, if pursued appropriately and responsibly, will be used for His good purpose. I believe our lives can be thrilling--maybe not every single moment will knock our socks off, but, "thrill" exists for a reason! Have some!
7. We are all different but we are all the same.
8. "Parking garages" are "parking structures" . . .
9. Recycle or get flogged!
10. I get called a "traveler" at work. When I float to another unit that's short, to help them out, I am designated a "traveler" as well as in regular conversation at work--I am a "traveler." This just really means I'm not permanent staff but reminds me, I'm viewed as "passing through." I know California is not a foreign country or land, but, compared to Texas, it is somewhat different. I think it's a good thing to be a true outsider, foreigner or sojourner at some point. I have been dependent upon the hospitality and kindness of absolute strangers. Being a "foreigner," of sorts, has forced me to have to trust strangers and to look to them for help and friendship. Some have been very warm and welcoming while others have not. It's been good to have to rely on people and things other than my probably overly independent, "self-sufficient" self, which has made proud me have to be more humble than I naturally would choose! That's probably a good thing. (I know people say "if you say you're humble, you're not humble." I'm not referring to the internal personality characteristic of humility but the application of humility from an external situation or circumstance--being a humble person v. being humbled. Ok, end of sidenote!)
Pictures from the last week!
So, it has been about four months since I left home and came to California. So much has happened, it seems like a lifetime! My uncle asked me over Christmas, "Is it really as good as the emails [blog] say[s]?" Yes, there are times, like two days ago I am homesick and miss Texas, my friends and all the familiar places and things and I'll wear my cowboy boots around and listen to country music in an attempt to make myself feel a little better. But, then I'll have a fun day at work or with my fun, new, sweet friends or see a beautiful scene and it makes the pangs of that homesick feeling not so sharp. I know I'm an idealist and am probably ignorant of many realities of situations, including my own. But, I cannot help but feel this has been a positive and fun experience, for which I am so thankful for every little bit.
Every so often, I'll think of a little lesson I've learned during these short 4 months, some profound and some not at all. Here's a short list:
1. Cities are smaller than I thought they were. I'm not even really sure what I mean by that. A drive from San Jose to San Francisco takes an hour and you never leave "city," and can take a couple of hours to traverse the Bay Area metro area, like the Dallas metroplex, so, that's really still very big. But, it also does not take me very long to get other places and it doesn't take as long as I thought to become familiar with the main roads, even though I still make wrong turns often. So, it feels smaller here than I expected.
2. This may seem contradictory to number 1, but GPSs are definitely worth the $200 (although they do no eliminate every wrong turn : ).
3. Simple living is the way to go! I only have a car-full of belongings out here, half of which I use consistently and much of which I could still probably donate to Goodwill and live without. I have really enjoyed the simple living traveling has made me accustomed to now. Even though I have half a car-full of things I have for "just in case," it's still about 6 carloads less than what's in storage in Texas . . . which is much easier to manage. Less is more!
4. Travel nursing is a good shopping deterrent! Coinciding with number 3, knowing you have to pack up in your already-near-full-capacity car and move everything you buy after every assignment keeps you from buying junk you don't need! When thinking about buying something, the question "do you really want to pack this?" comes to mind, to which I usually respond, "nope!" and happily place it back on the shelf or rack.
5. It's been worth it so far. I love and miss Texas, Lubbock, McAlisters, The Cracker Barrel, WPC, my family and friends there. But I have enjoyed so much the new friends I have made, the beautiful country, the diversity of the people here, the thrill of the adventure and being stretched and challenged. I have also enjoyed trying different hospitals (albeit, two . . . ) and seeing how each has evolved from before healthcare regulations or standardization to modern healthcare institutions independently--each developed separately to become essentially the same, while maintaining remnants of their own process of evolution (very interesting to see).
6. Life should be and can be an adventure! I don't think we should necessarily pursue every little desire of our hearts, especially at the expense of others or our relationships, but, I do believe God lays passions on our hearts, and, if pursued appropriately and responsibly, will be used for His good purpose. I believe our lives can be thrilling--maybe not every single moment will knock our socks off, but, "thrill" exists for a reason! Have some!
7. We are all different but we are all the same.
8. "Parking garages" are "parking structures" . . .
9. Recycle or get flogged!
10. I get called a "traveler" at work. When I float to another unit that's short, to help them out, I am designated a "traveler" as well as in regular conversation at work--I am a "traveler." This just really means I'm not permanent staff but reminds me, I'm viewed as "passing through." I know California is not a foreign country or land, but, compared to Texas, it is somewhat different. I think it's a good thing to be a true outsider, foreigner or sojourner at some point. I have been dependent upon the hospitality and kindness of absolute strangers. Being a "foreigner," of sorts, has forced me to have to trust strangers and to look to them for help and friendship. Some have been very warm and welcoming while others have not. It's been good to have to rely on people and things other than my probably overly independent, "self-sufficient" self, which has made proud me have to be more humble than I naturally would choose! That's probably a good thing. (I know people say "if you say you're humble, you're not humble." I'm not referring to the internal personality characteristic of humility but the application of humility from an external situation or circumstance--being a humble person v. being humbled. Ok, end of sidenote!)
Pictures from the last week!
I know . . . more of the shoreline. Sorry! It's what I do when I get bored!
Rain for 2 and a half weeks produces this.
I hope you all are blessed and healthy and warm and dry! Feel free to shoot me an email if you are bored! I would love to hear how you are doing! : )
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