One of my inn-mates said about 4 weeks ago, "I'm homesick," very matter-of-factly and then asked, "Do you ever get homesick?" My answer at that time was, "I'm doing pretty well right now. I've been spending a lot of time with my girlfriends, so I haven't really been all that homesick lately."
Everybody knows that "homesick" feeling. I'm sure it's a little different for everybody, but I think we all know that sinking feeling in the gut of isolation or solitude or separation from the ones and things we love.
The past week, I have been homesick. I guess it's inevitable and no big surprise. I think it's hitting me now for a couple of reasons: the first being I haven't been spending as much time with my friends, as we've all been very busy working and our schedules are opposite one another and one will be moving in April, then the others possibly shortly thereafter; the second being it's been about 4 complete months since I've "moved" here; the third being the more serious probability that I will stay here and take a permanent position in the area and continued discussions of the possibility. I've been missing friends and family from home. One of my friends and I were discussing on the phone (one of us on the west coast, the other on the east) that we don't really miss the places of home (although we do somewhat), but the people and the good times, the memories, the being known well. I feel it when I feel engulfed by a sea of millions of faces. I feel the same feeling when I see people hurting or suffering and struggle with why. Maybe it's all a longing for things to be better--for health, justice, community, healthy fellowship, for struggling, breaking, striving and working against the injustices to be finished.
Seeing how the tides of homesickness ebb and flow or the way the good times oscillate with the difficult times in life are always good and is one of those "things that make [me] go hmm . . . " The good times give us relief from the bad and are times of joy for us. The hard times make us appreciate the times life is good. It makes me stop and think about the reality of the state of the world, what blessings I do have in life, and what I want this life to be and mean. Sad times, happy times, times of abundant community and fellowship, times of loneliness and no community, are all good, even if not all enjoyable at the time. I think our responses and posture in different times and situations show us and the world who we are and what the world is to us. How do we grow if not met by challenge? How do we develop if not given the opportunity to make a choice to respond one way or the other?
So, what are we supposed to do when we are "homesick?" I'm not sure . . . I've tried to "be strong and ignore it," but I know that doesn't work. I'm not sure wearing my cowboy boots and listening to country music really helps either, but, I am thankful I have people and memories that have meant so much to me, have moved me so, that my stomach hurts, my eyes tear, and my heart sinks when I think of them. That means I've been blessed to love them and be loved by them. I think we are given homesickness not to ignore it or to dwell in forlorn self-pity in it. But, I do think we should experience it, feel it, appreciate it, and emerge from it hopefully having learned something from it.
"Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning."
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