Friday, September 10, 2010

Rachel told me . . .

Rachel told me I should update my blog . . . I have to be honest . . . I have no idea of what to blog about this time.  I noticed I had started a new blog entry on August 8th, opened it, hoping I would have something to work with, and was disappointed by the fact that it was blank:  Blogger's Block?

It's been almost two months since the last entry.  Tarah's been long gone and I'm sure much has happened during that time . . . New friends, new places, more trips, more bike rides, more work . . . But the questions remain in my head, "What do people want to know?  What do they want to read about? Why do they read and what do they care about? What's narcissism? What's sincerity and openness with us and our lives? What do I have to say or share that's worthy of their time?"  I suppose honesty and sincerity are valued.  I suppose not dressing things up or "packaging" them perfectly to make them more glorious than they actually are is valued.

So, what has happened in my life in the last two months that is worthy of your reading this and ultimately meaning something?  My boyfriend gone for 5 weeks to work in Central America?  A wonderful trip to the cabin of the innkeepers of the inn I lived in to visit a beautiful mountain lake to jump off rocks, swim up to a cold mountain waterfall and feel the fresh water splash on our faces, to float and ski in solitude and serenity?  Kayaking next to otters, sea lions, pelicans and watching dolphins jump in and out of the water at the end of a pier? A wedding back in Texas with old childhood friends and family, where the plane touching the ground made me cry and taking off made me cry again?  Two weeks of the homesick blues again?  A wonderful, encouraging visit from two of some of the most influential people of my life?  Routine work?  A relaxing visit to Napa to sit by the pool, ride bikes from winery to winery and up to a lake? My recent ponderings, self-reflection, life-reflection, internal struggles?

Picture to the left is courtesy of Jeff and Cindy; used without permission but my boyfriend took it, so I have rights! Right?. : )

I realize part of relationship with people is the sharing of yourself with another, and, part of caring for one another is knowing what is happening in one anothers' lives. So, to hold up my end of the bargain (and my apologies to those who did not bargain for this!):  There have been many activities, trips, things, thoughts, feelings . . . There have been many thoughts of the debate in my head concerning narcissism and self-absorption versus genuine vulnerability with who we are and our real lives.  There have been times of speechlessness as a result--feeling like everything's been said or said too much or that words are insufficient.  All the activities and consumption of California (or what this area of California has to offer) are starting to be drowned out by the cry of wanting something more significant than consumption, "talk," or packaging.  I'm itching to "do" something, see change, love better with the breath of time I've been given here. There is more to do than take trips and more to behold.  This begs the question, "So, what are you going to 'do'?"  The goal is to get these school loans paid and go overseas to do some medical mission work.  In the meantime, I'm ready to find something here to invest time in--volunteering or a ministry to be a part of.  Oncology nursing used to be ministry--meaning that's where I could "pour out" and, as they say in basketball, "leave it all on the floor."  But, my current nursing job, although it requires love and investment as well, is not quite as ministerial, and doesn't require the same type of emotional energy as oncology nursing did.

Angie and I, relaxing at Raymond Brother's Winery, 
after being bitten by a goat . . . 

So, "what has been happening?"  Life.  Good and real life, full of all the ups and downs, happy times, laughter, friends, times of missing other friends and home, restlessness, feeling completely satisfied at other times. But, it's time to minister, to love, and to serve.  Now, you can hold me accountable. : )

This was still "all about me." Lord, help me!

Monterey Bay

Monterey.  Can't remember which biologist's home this was, 
but he was a friend of Steinbeck's, who also lived in Monterey. 
The concrete cubes were where the biologist would hold sea animals
he would study, like octopuses, sharks, etc..

More of Monterey's piers.

Kayaking Elkhorn Slough, near Monterey. Very fun!

Robert Mondavi's vines and grapes.

V. Sattui's cellar.

Angie and I, after biking up to the Hennesy Resevoir 
on a scary road without a bike lane!

Jeff and I at Lake Hennesy

Miss you all and sending my love! (Thanks for your interest and for telling me to "update my blog"!)

Word Of God Speak by Mercy Me

I'm finding myself at a loss for words
And the funny thing is it's okay
The last thing I need is to be heard
But to hear what You would say

Word of God speak
Would You pour down like rain
Washing my eyes to see
Your majesty
To be still and know
That You're in this place
Please let me stay and rest
In Your holiness 
Word of God speak

I'm finding myself in the midst of You
Beyond the music, beyond the noise
All that I need is to be with You
And in the quiet hear Your voice


I'm finding myself at a loss for words
And the funny thing is it's okay

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